Bruce has been sitting by Alfred’s bedside making sure he doesn’t lose another beloved adult figure. Jim arrives with a timely bagel for Bruce and begins to ask about Alfred’s attack. Alfred lies and while Bruce follows his lead, Bruce wonders why they lied when Jim is called away.
Alfred: Reggie’s a mate and you don’t set coppers on your mates, do ya?
Bruce: But he almost killed you.
Alfred: I’ll sort him out.
Pretty sure you don’t stab your mates in the chest as a rule, either. Alfred tries to leave his room but Bruce puts some bass into his voice and tells Alfred to get back in bed.
Meanwhile, Fish Mooney wakes to find Dr. Dulmacher at her bedside. He’s really pleased with her control over the “facility.” She thinks that Dulmacher should make her his right hand because *cue Trina’s “The Baddest Bitch”*
Fish: I woke up hungry and alone and in less than a week I brought this place to a standstill. You’ve had me as your enemy. Wouldn’t you rather have me as your friend?
Dulmacher: Hmm. Eat something, you’ll need strength. Oh, and we gave you a new eye, but it doesn’t match the gorgeous original.
Fish removes the gauze covering her left eye to find an eye so blue as to be at home on a White Walker. Isn’t she doing some damage to that fresh transplant by exposing it so soon?
Arnold Flass has been exonerated and Harvey Dent and Jim are pissed. Jim is especially upset because it appears that Commissioner Loeb greased the wheels on this deal and is supporting Flass for president of the police union. Jim visits Loeb to get to the bottom of things but gets pushback instead: Loeb doesn’t feel the need to explain himself to Jim, but does show him a video of Harvey Bullock confessing to doctoring the evidence against Flass (which we know he didn’t do). I wonder what Loeb’s dirt against Bullock looks like?
Confronted by Jim, Bullock says he was just protecting his job and his freedom. “Do you honestly think you’re the only one who had orders to take a punk down to the end of the pier and put a bullet in his head? The difference is, my Cobblepot didn’t come back.” I mean, yeah, we know that. If Jim didn’t put that together after Bullock was initially so adamant that he kill Oswald, I may have been giving him too much credit. Bullock tells Jim that almost every GCPD cop has an “Oswald Cobblepot” and Commissioner Loeb is blackmailing all of them to stay in line. And so Jim’s mission becomes clear: stave off Loeb’s power source.
Edward Nygma is still in love with Ms. Kringle and uses the most roundabout way to tell her that while Flass was just released, he thinks she could do, like, so much better.
Nygma: That guy’s a gorilla, you can’t have had much in common. He’s a bad guy.
Kringle: I appreciate your concern, but I’ve realized there are far better men in the world than Arnold Flass.
Jim and Dent meet at a diner to talk about stealing Commissioner Loeb’s cache of dirt on GCPD officers. In trying to find out where the cache could be hidden, Dent mentions that Loeb had a wife who died suspiciously by falling down the stairs. Dent is disappointed in Bullock’s confession but is careful not to bad mouth his too much in front of Jim. Then, knowing how tight cop partners become, it dawns on him where to start looking for the cache: Loeb’s first GCPD partner, Charley Griggs. Jim and Dent take Griggs to the GCPD locker room and put the screws to him. It doesn’t take long before he’s singing like a canary. After all, Loeb has something on him, too.
Griggs: I told you, I don’t know anything. If I did, I’d say talk to Xi Lu on Huron Street.
Dent wonders if they should bring Bullock to Xi Lu’s but Jim is against it. Harvey is suspicious.
Fish continues to work her magic on Dr. Dulmacher, convincing him of her worth. “If you wanted to kill me, you’d have done it already and you certainly wouldn’t have wasted this beautiful eye on me.” Dulmacher takes her to his office and begins to explain why he has this facility: he’s interested in the line of demarcation between oneself and another when mixing and matching body parts. When does one stop being themselves? Fish isn’t impressed and wants a management deal already, so Dulmacher shows her his latest creation: it’s the Office Manager from last week’s episode, kind of. His head has been crudely attached to several female body parts and he is horrified. And so is Fish for once. Dr. Dulmacher, AKA the Dollmaker.
Selina visits Bruce in the hospital during one of Ivy’s hospital sweeps: a few times a week Ivy sneaks in and steals food from the sickies. She hugs Bruce and he is beside himself, so naturally he spills his guts to her.
Bruce: Alfred was stabbed by an old army buddy and I think it was my fault.
Selina: What are you talking about?
Bruce: I had a meeting with the board of Wayne Enterprises to tell them I was investigating them so they sent someone to infiltrate. If I find him, I can find out who hired him.
Selina: You’re nuts. Look at Alfred right now. Do you want to end up like him?
Bruce: I don’t expect you to understand. I’ll give a shout if I need anything.
Jim and Dent turn up in the basement of Xi Lu’s and find about a dozen men counting a large amount of money. Xi Lu plays it really cool and denies knowing Loeb at all so Dent skips directly to the threat of police and ADA interference in their obviously shady business dealings. Just then Xi Lu gets a phone call. Apparently the caller doesn’t think Jim and Dent should live, and Xi Lu gives the order to the dozen to brandish their kitchen knives and attack! Jim and Dent run out the way they came but end up trapped in the alley out back until Bullock barrels through the gates for a timely rescue.
A safe distance away, the group discovers Griggs set them up. Bullock is all, “Why didn’t you tell me? You know I love to ask hard.” Next thing you know, Jim and Bullock have picked up Griggs and Bullock has his head out the rear passenger door thiiis close to the asphalt and is asking the hard questions. Once again, Griggs folds like a paper airplane. “It was Falcone! And you two are dead men!” The detectives know they need someone with information on Falcone, which leads them to our dear Penguin. Natch.
Penguin is only too happy to assist his dear friend Jim, but is of course cognizant of his own predicament being a lieutenant of Falcone’s. Jim tells Penguin that he’ll give him a favor to bank, no questions asked, as well as five minutes with Loeb’s dirty files in exchange for his help. A really dicey agreement.
In the facility’s basement, dissent is growing because Fish hasn’t returned. Until now. One mouthy prisoner wants to know when their conditions will improve like she promised, and she orders the one guard that was left behind released. Then she snaps her fingers and the guards grab her basement right hand and another woman because they were on the “show of faith” list from above.
Mouthy Prisoner: I told you, didn’t I? She working for them now!
Fish: I warned you not everyone would live. Their sacrifice means your survival! And my promise remains the same!
Jim, Bullock, and Penguin arrive at the place where Loeb keeps 20 years of dirty secrets, but Bullock is suspicious of the location.
Penguin: What would you prefer, Detective Bullock? A sign that says “super secret blackmail horde”?
Penguin wants to wait in the car until it’s all clear, but Bullock and Jim are immediately against that friendly suggestion. Just then a man gives a knock on the car window and invites them all in for tea. Marge and Jude are very sweet and friendly, but Marge begins to ask questions about their unannounced visitors. Why weren’t they notified that the police would be coming by for an inspection? Marge steps away to grab some keys as loud thudding is heard upstairs, then comes back with a shotgun she is not afraid in the slightest to use. She and her husband unload at Jim and Bullock and they subdue the couple, leaving Penguin to stand guard. Upstairs, Jim and Bullock find a haggard looking woman who is clearly unstable. She’s Miriam Loeb, the Commissioner’s daughter.
Back at the GCPD, Nygma has finally gathered the courage to ask Ms. Kringle out for dinner, but she already has plans with her new boyfriend, Tom. Tom has the simplest of riddles and Edward tries to hide his seething hatred.
Miriam has always lived in the farmhouse. She says her father comes by every Sunday to visit and they play checkers. She knows nothing of a cache of files, but Jim isn’t so sure that she doesn’t possess some useful info. Jim asks her about her mother, but she would rather talk about her new hobby: making jewelry from the bones of starlings. She captures them when they land on her windowsill and smashes their heads with her thumb. She’s in love with the popping sounds breaking bones make. Animal cruelty alert! Jim asks Miriam if that’s how her mother died, and she explains that no, it’s not like with the birds.
Miriam: I had to use a candlestick on her. She wouldn’t stop singing, either. She knew that it was my night. I was supposed to perform at dinner, not her.
Jim: So you hit her and she stopped.
Downstairs Penguin is overcome by Marge and Jude who drive away. Penguin wants to see the files as agreed, but Miriam comes downstairs instead.
Miriam: Who is he? He looks like a bird. I love birds!
(Girl. No, you don’t.)
Jim arrives back at Commisioner Loeb’s office and presents Loeb with one of his daughter’s jewelry creations, sure to be all the rage in Spring. Loeb says Miriam is sick and didn’t mean to hurt her mother, and goes on to say that Jim can expose his family scandal and he’ll simply weather the storm. But Jim knows that Loeb has been covering this up to keep Miriam out of Arkham, and that he’ll do what it takes to keep her out. Loeb offers to resign but Jim wants nothing to do with that.
Jim: No, you’re not resigning. You step down and I’ll have someone else to deal with. Odds are, he’ll be Falcone’s lapdog, same as you. With you, I have leverage.
Loeb: What do you want?
Jim: Flass is tried fairly and you’ll send all your dirt on GCPD officers to Harvey Dent.
Loeb: No, if I do that I’m dead. I love Miriam, but I love living, too. You can have Bullock but not the rest.
Jim: One more thing…
Now, instead of backing Flass, who is probably in handcuffs and en route to prison, Loeb publicly backs Jim for the union presidency. Bullock is a little salty until Jim gives him his Loeb file.
Bullock: You know, you tell yourself, “I’ll just do this one bad thing. All the good things I do later will make up for it.” But they don’t. Penguin’s gonna come asking for that favor. Be careful.
And back at the Penguin’s club, we find out that Penguin released Marge and Jude, but is backing out of his deal to send them to Arizona. Now there’s only one ticket available and they have to figure out who gets it. Jude isn’t into being separated from Marge after 20 years, but Margie is ruthless. She begins savagely attacking Jude, finally strangling him with his scarf as Penguin approaches with a shotgun.
Margie: What time’s the train?
Penguin: Oh, there’s no train. I just needed your help. I was down to one shell.
And he kills her.
Dullmacher asks Fish if the prisoners would like a salsa night. She doens’t think so, but he likes it so Salsa Tuesday is coming up nevertheless. Dulmacher is proud that she was able to deliver on their deal and shows her why he trusts her so much: they’re on a frozen island, miles and miles away from civilization with no way for her to escape.
The Question: There’s only one. Where are they going from here? The show isn’t airing a new episode until April 13!