The wait is finally over and we’ve got new episodes of Orphan Black!!! If you’re anything like me, the wait was only made bearable by obsessing over other media, but now our beloved clones have returned to our smalls screens. On to the first episode!
Helena is having the most blissful dream. She’s pregnant and having a party with her beloved sestras, Sarah, Alison, and Cosima, along with Felix and Sarah’s daughter, Kira. All of her favorite foods are served and Cosima’s even dressed in a Ukranian folk costume. It’s a party in honor of Helena, and she opens a present containing a bunch of knit baby items. Cosima brings her a platter full of her favorite things and…it’s all a little too good to be true, isn’t it? Helena wakes to find a scorpion crawling out of her swollen pregnant belly, and, startled, wakes again, but for real this time. She’s imprisoned inside a crate-like box (with breathing holes lovingly carved in the sides). As Helena tries to see all she can of her surroundings, she sees a scorpion on the floor of the box crawling toward her. Oh, and it talks. Apparently, Helena and this scorpion have met before (she refers to it as Pupok) so the scorpion jumps right into the crazy talk. Pupok jumps right into the crazy talk, telling Helena that she’s being tested again, only this time she’s pregnant. Helena has observed that it’s kinda hot where she is and there’s sand, too, and she tells Pupok that she was taken from her sestras. Pupok tells her that she’s mistaken if she thought things would be easy.
At the Dyad Institute, surgeons are working on Rachel after having her eye impaled by Sarah. And on the spot of her faux memorial (lovingly referred to by Felix as “Shite Beach”), Sarah sits by a fire with Felix and Kira. Felix tries to convince Sarah that the problem with the male clones Sarah met last season is still a thing. Sarah tells Felix that Marion is handling things, but Felix doesn’t trust Marion or her benevolence. Then Delphine drives up looking fabulous.
She brings Sarah to a facility where one of the male clones is being held and tells her that knowledge of Project Castor has sent out dangerous shock waves which will inevitably affect the powerful people Rachel’s involved with. As they watch him on a surveillance feed, Delphine fills Sarah in on Male Clone #1. They found him meeting a woman named Krystal Goderitch, and she’s a clone, too! MC #1 and Krystal make out in a hotel elevator and head to a room as one of his mustachioed brothers creeps up behind them and slips into the room as well. Delphine says the brothers were caught trying to force Krystal into a vehicle, and during capture, MC #1 killed two guards and MC #2 got away entirely. MC #1 won’t tell Delphine or her people anything, not even his name, and will only talk to Sarah.
Sarah goes into MC #1’s cell to try to get him to talk. Instead of telling her anything important about himself, MC #1 fawns over Sarah’s celebrity while informing her of his knowledge of all the things important to Sarah (like her sisters, and her daughter). As she typically does when people threaten her daughter, Sarah flies off the handle, telling MC #1 that she’ll kill him if he comes near her child and is pulled from the cell. Before she leaves, MC #1 tells Sarah to “count her sisters” causing her to call Alison and Felix in a hurry. Alison is at a children’s soccer game and Cosima is getting over her illness, but Sarah finds out that Helena is missing and plans to meet Felix at Siobhan’s later. Sarah informs Delphine that Helena is missing, who tells her that she can’t leave yet. Delphine says that Topside is sending an cleaner to assess the threat Sarah and her sisters pose to Dyad, and this cleaner will clean them if they find out Sarah stabbed Rachel in the eye with a pencil. So what does this have to do with Sarah? She’s got to flex her acting chops and pretend to be Rachel, of course!
Back at the soccer game, Alison is preparing to drive the Soccer Stars bus when she is approached by Marci Coates. She’s that passive-aggressive kind of bulldozer who not only is a real estate agent but is also campaigning to be School Trustee again. She wants Alison’s vote (and is willing to bring up Alison’s “addiction” and floundering monthly potluck to get it), but Alison isn’t here for that. She tells Marci that she heard she wants to do some gerrymandering in their school district which would cause Alison’s kids to have to switch schools, so Alison’s considering running against Marci, rather than vote for her. Right after Alison drops her mic, her husband, Donnie approaches carrying a cube full of office supplies which can only mean one thing: he’s been fired. He says he told his boss off but it cost them the Taurus, so he boards the bus with the children.
Siobhan arrives back home and has that lovely supernatural sense that allows one to detect unannounced presences in one’s home. She grabs a knife and prepares to search the house, but is attacked by a masked assailant in the kitchen. They scuffle and she stabs him in the leg with a pen but the attacker knocks her down quickly. As he stands over her, he removes the mask and it’s mustachioed MC #2. He’s got a few questions for Siobhan and ties her to a chair. He asks Siobhan if she knows him, and she deduces that he’s a Castor. He wants to know where Professor Duncan is, but we know he’s too late and has already turned himself in to Dyad (and killed himself). This news causes a bright flash and head pain for MC #2, so he asks Siobhan for Duncan’s research instead. Siobhan says she assumes it’s all at Dyad and insults him, earning her a boot to the chest.
At Dyad post-surgery, Rachel is still alive. Dr. Nealan tells Delphine that Rachel’s left eye was not salvageable and she has suffered some frontal lobe damage, but it’s too soon to know how bad the damage is. Delphine tells him that the Topside cleaner will be arriving shortly, prompting him to recall Topside’s previous attempt to eradicate Project Leda, Project Helsinki back in 2006. Dr. Nealan says that the Leda clones cannot find out about Helsinki, and that both he and Delphine must put the whole of Dyad ahead of the needs of one (or more) clones.
Felix and Sarah arrive at Siobhan’s an scrape her off the floor. Siobhan confesses that she traded Helena to Paul in exchange for the protection of Sarah and Kira. Predictably, Sarah is pissed and feels betrayed, telling Siobhan that it wasn’t her decision to sell her sister like that and that Siobhan isn’t “her people.” Siobhan implores Felix to prevent Sarah from making things worse, but everyone knows she will anyway. Felix calls Benjamin to help Siobhan with her injuries.
Back at Felix’s flat Cosima and Kira play as Cosima tries to explain what it feels like to almost die. She tells Kira that she dreamed that she was floating way above herself but came back when Kira called for her. Kira’s like, “Duh, girl. You had to come back so Delphine can make you better with my stem cells.” And speaking of Delphine, she stops by looking for Sarah. Cosima is put off that Delphine is avoiding talking to her as a girlfriend, prompting Delphine to admit that she’s the new Rachel at Dyad. Delphine says that she’s charged by Marion to protect Cosima and all her sisters, meaning that she cannot favor one over the other. It’s a heartbreaking breakup, and before they both burst into tears, Delphine tells Cosima that Scott will be by to do a checkup on her. Inside, Cosima hides her tears while Kira grabs the container with her stem cells inside.
Alison and Donnie are crunching the numbers to see how dire their financial situation is now that Donnie is no longer employed. She deduces that they have one mortgage payment left and Donnie thinks Alison should go work with her mother again at Bubbles. Alison balks at this idea, telling Donnie that she actually wants to run for School Trustee. He has the same concerns as she about the redistricting that Marci plans to enact so he’s on board with this idea. Then she gets a call from Delphine asking for help with a Sarah situation.
Back on Shite Beach, Sarah and Felix have some beers and discuss Siobhan’s betrayal. Sarah wants to give Helena the kind of familial support she’s never had, but Felix says he would have done the same as Siobhan in order to save Sarah and Kira. Sarah gets a call from Delphine, which is strange to Felix. Sarah decides that helping Delphine protect Leda and Dyad from Topside might be worth something to Delphine and decides to help under the condition that she gets help locating and saving Helena.
At Rachel’s house, Sarah and Felix take care of Sarah’s styling to turn her into a believable version of Rachel and Delphine says that she won’t have to pretend for long as it will be her meeting with Ferdinand. Delphine agrees to help Sarah with Helena, but tells her that she cannot falter or Ferdinand will know about their ruse.
And at the flat, Scott completes his checkup on Cosima and tells her that he doesn’t want to participate in this super secret clone stuff anymore. So she’s like, “That’s cool. But look at this book first.” She shows him Duncan’s copy of The Island of Doctor Moreau that contains all of his research, which impresses and intrigues him. Cosima says that she hasn’t told Delphine or her sisters about the book – and she won’t until she and Scott can decipher it.
Felix is a master stylist and gives Sarah her Rachel makeover. Can I just say how amazing Tatiana Maslany is? She is somehow able to not only portray all these different characters but also convincingly portray these characters pretending to be each other. Someone get this woman all of the awards! Anyway, Sarah-as-Rachel and Delphine meet with Ferdinand who insists that “Rachel” stay in the meeting, throwing the most predictable wrench in their ploy and causing Sarah to have to pretend a while longer. He says he’s there to conduct a security review of Dyad and begins to ask about the Castor subject that is being held. Delphine says the only people who know about him are herself, Rachel, and Dr. Nealan, prompting Ferdinand to mention Paul Dierdan. He challenges Sarah-as-Rachel about her relationship with him as he turned out to be a Castor mole, but she reminds him that she didn’t exactly hand pick this guy to be her monitor in the first place. Then she tells Ferdinand that the Castors have kidnapped Helena, causing Ferdinand to want to question Sarah, since she’s “still being held at Dyad” post-oopherectomy.
Down in her holding cell, Alison-as-Sarah waits in a bad wig for the group to approach. (I mean, Maslany is masterful!) Ferdinand refers to “Sarah” as the wild one and wonders if she knows anything about Castor seeing as they were hot on her heels when Dyad got her. He asks if she’s ever met a male clone and Alison convincingly feigns ignorance. Ferdinand puts his hand up “Sarah’s” shirt as he questions her, causing the very natural reaction of a verbal lashing. This results in “Rachel” slapping “Sarah” for her disrespect and Ferdinand wondering why “Sarah” isn’t actually recovering from surgery. Out in the hall, Delphine says that they’ve postponed “Sarah’s” oopherectomy because she’s ovulating, but she’s contained and the procedure will be done when she’s ready. Ferdinand pulls “Rachel” aside to ask about why “Sarah” is still intact and discuss Helsinki, but she wants to discuss how to recover Helena. So Ferdinand plans to visit “Rachel” later to go over the finer details.
We’re treated to a bit of naked MC #1 in his cell as his guards remark on his nudity and meditation. Sarah, Alison, and Cosima have another conference call and everyone wants Sarah to be safe. They also plan to recover Helena, which Donnie objects to, and all hang up as Ferdinand arrives.
Delphine wakes Rachel with a light in her eye and begins to question her. Rachel’s speech is slightly impaired as she struggles to answer what day it is, and fails remember the word for “eye.” Delphine pushes her thumb into Rachel’s damaged eye, forcing her to say her name (which Rachel does). Delphine tells her that she’s the new Rachel at Dyad and will erase Rachel if she doesn’t spill the beans about Helsinki. She’s not supposed to know that, so Delphine, wanting to know what else Rachel knows, pushes her thumb in Rachel’s eye again and all of a sudden she’s cool with torture. What would Cosima think?
Meanwhile, “Rachel” makes drinks for her and Ferdinand and they discuss Paul. She tries to steer the conversation toward Helena, but Ferdinand wants to know if she slept with him, and she’s like, “
Um, of course. He was my monitor and he’s hot. What do you think?” He says he thinks Paul was her little bitch, cluing us in on the kind of sexual power games Ferdinand likes to play. “Rachel” teases him but brings the conversation back to a prisoner swap with Castor. Ferdinand reveals that it was Rachel’s plan all along to enact Helsinki and details the plan to take the Leda clones out: kill Sarah after her oopherectomy, “induce” Cosima tomorrow, and chloroform Alison and her family then burn their house down. Sarah-as-Rachel is freaking out inside and excuses herself to the bathroom to try to warn Alison. Alison doesn’t answer and Ferdinand intrudes on “Rachel” in the bathroom, wondering what game she’s playing (as she secretly grips a metal nail file behind her back).
Ferdinand is determined to find out what “Rachel” is hiding and reveals another of Rachel’s secrets: that she’s in this plan for Kira. He really wants to play power games so “Rachel” removes his belt and whips him to the bedroom. This scene is cut with Alison as she hears a noise outside during her workout. On the bed, “Rachel” wraps the belt around Ferdinand’s neck, choking him, as Alison creeps outside to investigate the noise she heard. Just before Sarah kills him, Delphine enters the bedroom and tells her to release Ferdinand. She’s disappointed that he would conspire with one clone to kill the others and says she’ll tell Marion – which would mean his death – if he doesn’t call off Helsinki right away. Alison goes into her garage to look for the source of the noise, and the man who had been sent to kill her hides, having gotten a text from Ferdinand to abort the mission.
Delphine tells Ferdinand that he will report to Topside that Dyad is secure or else, then he leaves for Zurich. Sarah is angry with Delphine that she didn’t tell her Rachel was planning to have the Leda clones killed. Delphine says she counted on Sarah helping and is trying to help her with Helena, but that Sarah needs to stand down in the mean time.
Helena’s talking to Pupok again. “Picture a box inside a box inside a box,” Pupok says. In an observation room, a man informs a smoking woman that Helena has been in the box for almost 48 hours so the woman allows him to release Helena. Pupok says, “Congratulations, you escaped the first box,” as the lid opens to reveal yet another Castor clone.
And back at Dyad, MC #1 is biding his time. Just then someone comes downstairs and puts a bullet in the back of his guard’s head and surprise, it’s mustachioed MC #2! They greet each other and embrace, each with super creepy smiles on their faces.
The Question: What is Kira going to do with those stem cells? What’ll happen when the sisters learn that Cosima is hiding important info from them? Exactly how many more Leda clones are out there? And what the hell are the Castor clones up to?