After dating for a while, Josh makes it official with his new girlfriend, Kayla. Unfortunately their tender moment is interrupted by sex aliens who have come for sex. That’s right, Kayla becomes catatonic and three blue aliens appear, begging for sex from Josh. His “man in a relationship” confidence has apparently turned him into alien catnip. Despite all of the enticing hissing, offers of drugs and Showgirls, Josh shuts them down and punts them back to where they came from with a solid, “I’m not going to cheat on my girlfriend no matter how attractive the offer.” Good on you, Josh.
Later, Mike warns Josh that if he keeps seeing this girl he might just end up married to her! The horror! As soon as Josh leaves Kayla’s job, Mike snatches him up and the next thing you know Josh is on a prison bus complete with other prisoners in jumpsuits who are just too damned close to marrying their girlfriends and moving to…THE SUBURBS!!!
Mike introduces Daniel Schultz, a man who has served 11 years of his life sentence to his wife. No quippy turns of phrase necessary here; that’s the actual language that was used. Daniel is scaring these serious relationship-having suckers straight. “Next thing you know, you’re married, you’re pregnant, gravestone.”
But Josh actually likes having a girlfriend and rushes home to make a dinner of portobello mushrooms and quinoa because he’s vegan now or something. In the thick of dinner preparation, Josh’s Big Ex, Maggie, shows up wet and in tears causing him to torpedo his own date to comfort his ex. And so he’s called into court, charged with Boyfriend Misconduct. He successfully argues his own defense and then eats the dinner he cooked for his girlfriend with his ex. So he has a new court date.
The circumstantial evidence is piling up against Josh: he’s sharing a bottle of wine with Maggie who is not Kayla, touching hands, and she’s mentioned sex more than once. Still, the evidence is only circumstantial and he is absolved. Maggie begins to make a lingering exit but Josh stops her, offering to finish watching Carnivale together which earns him another court appearance. Even though he’s clearly crossing lines, he is off the hook again. Jump back to the couch where Josh and the ex are watching Carnivale and one thing predictably leads to a pants off dance off. Apparently Josh is the kind of guy who cheats.
The next morning Kayla calls and Josh rushes through an insultingly hasty breakup speech because he and Maggie are getting back together, right? Not quite: “Josh, last night was a mistake.” Huge shocker here. I mean, who saw this coming?! As Maggie leaves and Kayla arrives to get her stuff, Josh tries half-heartedly to explain his poor decision making. “You suck, Josh. You suck.”
Yeah, he sucks. In one fell swoop he has unwound all of the sympathy he had garnered over the previous five episodes. He thought it better to invite the ex who left him for Adolf Hitler (see episode one) to the date he had arranged for his girlfriend, and then sleep with her. I called you good six paragraphs ago, man!
The Questions: Are we supposed to get over the fact that we’ve rooted for this hopeless romantic only to watch him shoot himself in the foot and ruin his new relationship? Was Josh’s sister right to set him up with a troll after all (again see episode one)? And which poor instincts will Josh follow next week?