Let’s dive right in, shall we? This week’s mini challenge is kind of amazing. The girls are tasked to serve Rich Bitch Reality Realness by shooting title sequences for RuPaul’s fake new reality show, “The Fake Housewives of RuPaul’s Drag Race.” To give it that extra little oomph, Ru gives them clear plastic tape so the girls can nip/tuck their faces to their heart’s content.
Because I have an unhealthy obsession with the Real Housewives franchise, this mini challenge is everything. Please do enjoy all of the Queens’ pretend title sequence lines:
Pearl: Some people call me a slut, but I’m also an alcoholic.
Kennedy Davenport: I may not be the best cookie in the cookie jar, but at least I taste good.
Violet Chachki: When times get tough, I just breathe through my nose.
Ginger Minj: The secret to success is being God’s favorite.
Trixie Mattel: How did I sleep tonight? Ask your husband.
Katya: What’s the best part of being married to a sociopath? The constant threat of danger keeps you sooo thin.
Ru declares Violet the winner, though I thought this was Katya’s win (she was robbed!).
For their Maxi Challenge, the girls must…DANCE! #PrancingQueens The dances are actually mash-ups for opposing styles, which makes for some quirky, if not WTF-moment-esque routines. Because Violet won the mini challenge, she gets to assign pairs:
Violet & Katya: Tango/Vogue
Ginger & Trixie: Country/Robot
Kennedy & Pearl: Charleston/Twerk
See? These are some veeerrryy strange mash-ups, but you know it’s gonna be HILARIOUS!
To top it all off, Ru informs the girls that for the first time in drag herstory, they must make themselves up as half woman/half man.
The Queens rehearse with Carson Kressley & Kym Johnson (Dancing with the Stars). All of them struggle in their own way – Pearl doesn’t know how to twerk (duh), Katya freaks out over all of the choreography, but it’s Ginger who has it the worst. Her insecurity is visible from space. Dancing is most definitely not her forte and she worries that not only will she fail, but she’ll bring Trixie down with her.
The ladies get ready for the main stage and Katya actually admits that she’s starting to, *gasp,* like Violet! She admires how confident she is and strives to be like that. It’s a tender moment, and a win for Violet considering she typically comes off as an Ice Queen.
On the main stage, our guest judges are:
Comedienne Rachael Harris
Alyssa Milano, who’s uber pregnant and announces that she plans on naming her baby RuPaula (she doesn’t, liar)
The girls walk down the runway in their half woman/half man looks. Here’s a necessary breakdown:
Pearl: Hellooo man side. So hot! More beard! Her woman side reps the roaring ‘20s.
Kennedy: I just remember her ass is nice.
Ginger: Stomping down the runway like a Clydesdale in heat.
Trixie: Giving ho-down realness. Her man side loves Jesus because don’t all people who listen to country love Jesus?
Violet: Her lady side feels like a Spanish prostitute, then BAM! Pablo on the other side.
Katya: Her woman side is a Flamingo flapper and her man side is quite possibly the best douchey abusive boyfriend ever (I obviously don’t condone abuse, but in Katya’s drag case, I’m okay with it).
Next up, the pairs take the stage and each dance to their mash-ups. I don’t think I’ve said the word “strange” enough, which it is, but it’s also pure camp and everything RuPaul and her fans love. I was gagging over the ridiculousness of it all.
While Pearl is not the best dancer by any means, what she lacks in skill she actually makes up for in enthusiasm. I guess she took an upper in the morning. Kennedy looks effortless (though according to Carson, she was boooring). Trixie does just fine with the dance, but it’s obviously Ginger is as uncomfortable as a pig in heat (is that a real saying?).
Side note: poor Ginger actually breaks down during critiques, and admits dancing is in public is one of her biggest fears because she fears people will judge her due to her weight. It’s an oddly honest moment and one many people can relate to (I’m raising my hand FYI).
Anyway, this challenge is actually Violet’s to win. She tangos and vogues likes nobody’s watching. Katya is a fine partner, but Violet is the clear standout.
RuPaul has a hard time picking a winner/loser because she feels everyone did so well. But alas, a decision must be made and Violet & Katya are the winners of the main challenge. Did we ever have our doubts? Violet sure didn’t!
Ginger & Trixie are in the bottom two, and let’s face it, we know who’s gonna win before the song even comes on, which is “Show Me Love” by Robin S (I LOVE this song). Ginger lip syncs her little heart out, showing bits of comedy to keep the judges laughing, and sure enough, she’s declared the winner. Trixie is told to sashay away…again.
To end this recap on a funny note, I shall be stealing Pearl’s made-up word “Flah-zee-dah.” I have absolutely no idea what it means and I don’t think she does either, but it’s a good word that just rolls off the tongue for no reason whatsoever.