The Minions from Despicable Me have begun their assault on humanity, and they’re doing it on a HUGE scale.
A giant Minion towering at over 40 ft tall wreaked Havoc in Dublin, Ireland yesterday by situating himself in the middle of a congested Dublin street, creating a traffic jam that lasted nearly 3 hours.
The Minion, who authorities later identified as Kevin, was hysterically laughing and shooting a fart blaster gun in the the direction of incoming vehicles, filling unsuspecting victims vehicles with pure putrid disgustingness. Victims described the scent as “a mix of beans, Ron Jeremy’s ass, and week old Chipotle.”
Authorities attempted to calm down the giant Minion and escort him off of the road, but this was a task that proved difficult, as the officers and civilians on the scene were not fluent in Minionese, the native tongue of the Minions.
They were eventually able to get the Minion to safety and open back up the roadways for motorists by bribing the Minion with a truckload full of fresh bananas.
Irish authorities at this time are unsure why the minion was in the middle of the road, but they suspect that the yellow fellow has ties to the Provisional Irish Republican Army. It is believed that the giant Minion was being manipulated and used simply as a political ploy, as the IRA has been known to pull off elaborate stunts in order to bring awareness to their fight against Northern Ireland.
The IRA was most recently involved in a stunt which included a giant Twilight Sparkle (from My Little Pony). The angry pony stomped fields outside of Belfast and left glittery dung throughout the entire Northern Ireland region.
The minion was held in custody briefly but was later released. Surprisingly, no charges are to be filed, but the Minion may have to pay a fine and reimburse authorities for the cost of nearly 2,000 bananas.
Okay, you know that’s all bullshit. Here’s the real story:
A 40 ft tall inflatable Minion broke free of its restraints in a fair outside of Dublin due to the wind, got stuck in the middle of the road, effectively halting traffic, and was soon deflated and removed with no injuries or accidents reported.
I still prefer my version of events, though. Cause let’s be real: a gigantic Minion wreaking havoc in Ireland would be a great plot point in the third Despicable Me movie, which hits theaters June 2017.
How do you feel about minions taking over the world? Let us know in the comments below!