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Dog Day Sunday: Introducing Zip!

This week’s offering is Zip, the beloved fur baby of Cassie and Dina of Las Vegas, Nevada.  “Zip was adopted at the end of June 2014,” Cassie says. “We believe he is part chihuahua and part dachshund. He loves chewing on his bone, getting lots of belly rubs, sitting at the table to be a part of the group, and being an all around adorable dog.”

Author’s note: Zip is the most photogenic dog I’ve ever met.

Ok, less talk and more dog.

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 Want your pet featured on Dog Day Sunday? Send your photos and stories to webmaster@geekgirlworld.com!

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Colonel Brandon, Severus Snape, and the Death of Interesting People

The problem with writing a tribute to an an actor who has passed is that it becomes increasingly difficult to separate the performer from his performances. That’s the double-edged sword of being an actor, though. You’re famous not just for being who you are, but for all the other people you have been. I can only imagine what it’s like to suffer dissociative personality disorder by proxy as you walk down the street and are recognized as someone different every time you turn a corner.

It’s because of this inevitable flux that I’ve had to start this article over and over again all morning. How do you talk about how much you’ll miss a performer without letting the characters dwarf the man who brought them to life? My only answer is that you’ve got to treat a character like a work of art, conceived by a writer but breathed into existence by the one who portrays him.

Alan Rickman, aged 69, died in London on January 14, 2016, on my birthday.

That last part is just so you’ll understand why I might be a little overly sentimental right now. It was hard, sad news to wake up to. Since the story broke my entire facebook feed has been one long continuous stream of tributes, pictures, quotes, and gifs of wands being cast into the air in tribute. There’s something miserable and yet comforting in that.

David Bowie, who also passed away this week at 69, once said, “We’d rather be scared / together than alone,” (Fun fact, that was one of my three senior yearbook quotes). So when something sad happens we often find solace in solidarity. While it pained me to see so many fans sad, it was nice to know I wasn’t going to spend the day having to pretend I wasn’t in mourning because those around me wouldn’t understand why.

So I’m going to tell you something very shocking: Severus Snape in Harry Potter wasn’t the most important role that Alan Rickman ever played.

It wasn’t Hans Gruber in Die Hard, and it wasn’t even Alexander Dane in Galaxy Quest.

I know. Blasphemy. But let me try to meet my burden.

I contend that Colonel Brandon from Sense and Sensibility was more important than Alen in Snow Cake, Metatron in Dogma, or Sheriff Nottingham in Robin Hood. Colonel Brandon was an anomaly. He was a good guy. He was the noble, unsullied hero. While his love interest, Marianne, was not immediately taken with him, he was never under suspicion of anything more terrible than being lovelorn and, at the worst, boring. No shady past dogged him, no cynicism plagued him, no snarkiness, no bitterness, no maliciousness, no murderous tendencies. He was a white hat, a phrase used to describe “the good guy,” above reproach. And while troubled and burdened with unrequited love, he was not to be pitied but rooted for.

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His portrayal of Colonel Brandon was delicate, sophisticated, and all too utterly romantic with introspection. Other roles are more famous, but this role is most important because it showcases not just Rickman’s “range”, but his depth and commitment to tenderness as well. Most people can play closed off and crass, malicious or malcontent. But to be able to touch the core of a character and remain open and vulnerable enough to bring an audience to tears simultaneously with sorrow and joy is unique.

Ok… Severus Snape. I know.

I’m supposed to talk about Severus Snape – that’s what everyone’s waiting for. If I’m not going to talk about Hans Gruber, I need to talk about Severus Snape. Anton Mesmer or Rasputin simply won’t do today. A large chunk of my generation and those that followed first got to know Rickman as Snape because of the Harry Potter movies. And let me tell you, that’s not a bad place to see the man ply his craft.

Rickman’s portrayal of Snape wasn’t just great because “Snape’s the best character ever, omg.” It was because Rickman, twenty-some years older than his character, brought his history of fictional villainy into play.

Spoiler alert: Snape was technically a good guy.

While not a white hat by any means, his hat was definitely some shade of grey. But to play a white hat who is playing a black hat who is actually a grey hat who everyone thinks is actually a black hat pretending to be a white hat is…. well, it’s nuanced. Let’s put it this way, if you haven’t read or watched Harry Potter, you probably won’t have any idea what I just said. But know that it’s accurate and it’s definitely a compliment.

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Rickman’s portrayal of Snape was so damned good because the character was already interesting, and Rickman was talented enough not to lose any of the original, singular complexity that J. K. Rowling created. In that way Rickman honored the character of Snape and became beloved by fans.

For eight movies he embodied the mystery of Snape and, in my opinion, never lost Snape’s thread. Perhaps it was because he was one of the few with whom Rowling shared his character’s end fate, but Rickman remained painfully true to his counterpart for a decade. Snape is iconic and Alan Rickman made him so. I’m convinced that any other actor, no matter how ingeniously talented he was, could not have done so.

On the British panel show QI, series 6, episode 11, ‘Films and Fames,’ John Sessions does his excellent impression of Alan Rickman and tells a story about how a child with no filter asked Rickman why “he always played villains.” Rickman replied in his indomitable way, “I don’t play villains. I play very interesting people.”

What made this funny when it first aired but bittersweet now that Rickman has passed is that he was typecast so often as the shadowy villain, or at least “not the hero.” But Rickman’s roles were always intense, and so often our first memories of him was as an antagonist who was more interesting than the hero. In this way Rickman helped to teach us that the “villain” wasn’t always intended to be booed.

Good actors are all around. We all have a favorite performer who strikes us in some way that cannot be rivaled. But Alan Rickman was damned great in my opinion because he never shortchanged a character by going with the flow of being typecast. He never phoned it in, and because of this we don’t just lose “an actor.”

With Rickman gone we suffer the death of untold stories, of unmet interesting people. His former roles live on to pay tribute to the man who created them, but there is also sadness in knowing we won’t be meeting any more.

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Dog Day Sunday: Three’s a Fun Crowd

Amber from Boise, ID submitted her three darling dogs with us for Dog Day Sunday! With two rescued Boxers and an animated Yorkie with world domination plans, Amber certainly has her hands full!

“First is our newest rescue, GiGi. She is almost 8 months old. When we rescued her, she had a massive worm infection, chipped canines, and both ears infected. After her appetite and weight dropped dramatically, we found out she had part of her lower intestine collapsed and a hole in it. Now she is worm free, two intestines shorter, and ears almost healed. She is a big time cuddler and we are just now getting to see her real personality. She loves toys, and will sit there with one in her mouth. She’s also began growing at her big brother boxer, Rio, when he gets near her while she is with a toy.”

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“Rio was rescued two years ago and is three years old. He is the goofball of the bunch. If anyone hugs someone too long he will start growl or whine at them. We make muah muah muah sounds, and he growls with more force and volume. The whole time the guy’s tiny nub of a tail will be going at full speed!”

“The tiniest of the bunch is Tiffin, the Yorkshire terrier. I’ve raised her since she was 3 months old, and she is about to turn seven years in January. She is my little circus dog. Among her specialties is playing dead when you shoot her with your hand gun, and sitting with a treat on her nose for a ridiculous long time before eating it. She also will wipe her feet on the rug when coming inside. It’s kind of a crazy mix here, but so far, everyone gets along…. But I think GiGi is going to try to run the show when she gets bigger. Maybe getting another Yorkshire terrier will balance it out! Now to convince the Mister.”

Submit photos and stories of your dog to webmaster@geekgirlworld.com and we may feature your pup on our next Dog Day Sunday!

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Crafty Geeks Making the Best of Their Small Businesses

It’s becoming more popular every holiday season: shop small, buy local, support small businesses. Depending on who you talk to, you’ll find all kinds of reasons consumers are shying away from the traditional shopping grounds like the mall or department stores or large specialty chains. There are some who despise the crush of the crowds, many who don’t like the early morning lines, and still others who want to passively protest what they feel is the commercialism of the holidays.

The choice to buy from small business has been gaining traction, especially in the last five years since American Express founded the official event known as “Small Business Saturday”, where the Saturday after Black Friday is devoted to focusing on smaller mom n’ pop type shops, or any business that isn’t known for being part of a corporation or large chain.

While the economic blood still belongs to the veins of Black Friday sales and arteries of Cyber Monday deals, according to Forbes.com, Small Business Saturday has the projected potential to get $15 billion flowing through the smaller capillaries of the economy.

Taking fair advantage of niche buying habits of geeks, nerds, and fandom lovers, three geeky entrepreneurs local to Las Vegas have tapped into the natural inclination of fans be more discerning in their purchases. Melanie Davis, Kimberly*, and Allison Cosson all started their small business for different reasons, but they all share the same entrepreneurial spirit that it takes to succeed in a growing competitive market.

Melanie Davis, The MAD Girl With a Box, just started up her business this last September. Barely in the game for even a month, Melanie brought together five other local artists to launch her mobile shop-on-the-go. Customers browse around inside a refurbished trailer, picking up everything from My Little Pony skirts to Teenage Mutant Ninja make up bags.

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Plates and glasses etched with Harry Potter quotes, jewelry from several fandoms, and quirky wall art are as much a decoration in the cozy trailer as they are merchandise.

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Melanie says that one reason for her mobile shop is to “provide a new avenue to market handmade items[…] without relying on conventions” where tables or booths could range “anywhere from $50 to $300.” By keeping the venue cost low, crafters could put more of their investment into better quality items and collect a larger profit at the end of the day.

“I would like to make this my primary business so I can make my own hours and manage my own company.” But Melanie, who also works as a copy editor for Caesar’s Entertainment, is just as invested in her co-crafters’ futures as she is her own. “I work with a few wonderful artists that act as vendors and supply me with my merchandise,” she explains. Buying from her small business doesn’t just benefit her; it also means customers are helping “the artists that are trying to make some extra [money] to support their own families.”

On the other end of the spectrum is Kimberly, the Girl With One Eye, who has been running her own business since 2011. In the small business world, 4 years practically makes Kimberly a veteran. (That old statistic about 80% of new small businesses failing in the first year is too varied to track, but it’s safe to say that 4 years is a healthy run)

The Girl With One Eye is most often seen in convention booths surrounded by homemade clothing and accessories that would beckon over any patron into retro or Harajuku style Gothic Lolita clothing. The mix at the booth is a little June Cleaver sprinkled over some Wednesday Addams melted over Betty Page.

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Kimberly says that she only offers items that she’d be proud to wear, and because of that she was unsure how well her first geeky pieces would sell. “It soon became clear that there were a lot of people like me out there who wanted things that were both cute and geeky, so I shifted to focus on more geeky prints.”

Kimberly comes from a long line of sewers and crafters, and because of this she’s had a long time to hone her skills. “I was so used the quality and creative freedom that homemade clothes had to offer that sewing and creating things for myself to wear was just the next step.”

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The impetus for starting her own business followed a diagnosis with a rare form of cancer. “I decided that instead of feeling sorry for myself, I would use this as the inspiration to start the clothing business I had always wanted to do!”

Long term goals for the Girl with One Eye include expansion in both employees and distribution. Kimberly would like to be able to hire a real staff, or at least pay the friends who help her with her creations. Her “ultimate goal,” she admits, would be “to grow GW1E to the level where I will be able to make both custom, one of a kind pieces of clothing, as well as ready to wear clothing that I could wholesale to big box stores!”

Somewhere flexible in between is Allison Cosson who owns Nerdful Things. A contributor to the co-lab efforts of MAD Girl, Allison has also spent the last two years keeping her own Etsy shop stocked with an array of housewares like fandom-themed pub glasses, glass-etched beer steins, and shot glasses, video game inspired key holders and jewelry, and vinyl decals. Fans of the Nightmare Before Christmas, Harry Potter, and German folklore figure Krampus will find holiday decorations available.

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A fixture at many craft fairs and shows in town, Allison’s attractive displays draw all kinds of customers. And while always happy to move her available stock, she says, “If I can create anything your heart desires, I will. Custom orders are more fun to fill I think.”

Allison started making most of the items she now sells out of necessity. “I wanted [and] needed things that represented my grandma and they weren’t readily available, or if I could find them they were outside the price I was looking to pay.” So instead she turned her desires into a crafty collections of unique pieces that eventually expanded into fandom-worthy merchandise. “They’re things I’m interested in and want in my own house,” she says.

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Unlike Melanie and Kimberly, Allison’s goal is keep Nerdful Things “mainly as a side business.” Keeping her small business manageable is a challenge for her. “I mostly just enjoy the making part and customer interaction.”

And really that’s what small businesses are all about. While the goals of entrepreneurs vary, one thing is always the same: positive customer relationships are essential. “I think small businesses don’t get the recognition they deserve most times. It’s hard to start from scratch and try and build up a customer base,” says Allison. Very often a new startup will reach out to family, friends, neighbors, and eventually social media. With online stores like Etsy, easy to assemble websites like Wix, and a consistent Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Yelp updates, a hobby has the potential to quickly turn into a business.

But it’s not enough for the crafter to just advertise and display his or her work. Customers have to keep the snowball rolling too. “If you have a great experience at a local store, share it! Tweet, like, Yelp, post, spread the word! Any bit of advertising is good for the business and would be appreciated by any small business owner up against the big stores,” informs Melanie.

Allison agrees. “Other than a direct sale, a person that believes in your product and is willing to tell everyone about it is the most important thing to a small business owner.”

And because these are not manufactured products but handcrafted items, customers can know that every item they buy is “a piece of [our] talent, [our] knowledge, and [our] blood, sweat, and tears,” impassions Kimberly. “Not only are they buying a one of a kind, wearable piece of art, they are buying it from me, an individual who they quite often get to meet and talk to face to face.”

Despite the love of Black Friday and the traffic of Cyber Monday, the trend of supporting small businesses seems to focus not just on avoiding mass consumerism during the holidays, but redirecting where one’s dollar goes. The current thinking seems to be “We’re going to buy, we’re going to spend, so let’s make that spending count.”

This Small Business Saturday, consider transferring some of your space creds to geeky artists and crafters like Melanie, Kimberly, and Allison. You can show your support of friends and relatives who run their own businesses, or browse any number of shops that specialize in homemade and handcrafted specialties, too. However you spend your money this holiday season, make your dollars count in ways that will benefit those who are working uniquely for you!

Follow MAD’s traveling Box on her Facebook.

You can view more of GW1E’s clothing on Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter.

Keep up to date with Nerdful Things’ holiday assortment on Facebook.

*Kimberly was pleased to participate in this article, but asked to omit her full name.
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‘Once Upon a Time’ Recap: Birth

After what seemed like an eternity of a summer without Once Upon a Time, the first half of Season 5 has blown by! And while I haven’t been this season’s biggest fan, I still remain committed to seeing my friends in Storybrooke through, no matter how ridiculous their adventures may be.

We had a double episode this week, so let’s just get right to it! Here are some things we learned in the first episode, “Birth.” A recap of the second episode of the evening, “BAERS!” “The Bear King” can be found here. (No, seriously, every other word in that episode was “bear.”)

Things we learned in this week’s episode:

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David gets one “Give no effs” moment this whole season and this is it.
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Have you ever been so mad you flipped a ping pong table?
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Hook and Hood are terrible at covering the exits.
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Emma saves Hook and they have awkward “I still love you” moment.
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Hook demands answer about why Emma needs Excalibur.

And Emma and she tells him it’s all for him. 

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Cue the creepy title card with the Dark One rising.
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Behold! The contact lens of Sauron!
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Emma, Henry, and Granny share a moment of good news about completing her quest, but are interrupted by Merlin. Minus 1 for cliche timing.
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Merlin is under orders to get the Flame of Prometheus from Emma in exchange for Emma’s family members’ lives.
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Despite threatening Arthur, nothing worthwhile is learned.
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Regina thinks Emma will wipe out Light magic, and Mary Margaret thinks there may not be any of Emma left to get back.

Hook comes to Gold’s for advice, and Belle is on point.

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If this show ends with a boy with autism staring into this thing, I am writing an angry note.
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“Uh… This? This is…. a promotional item.” *achem*

Hook learns Emma has stolen some squid ink.

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“Probably should have locked this.”

Gold says Emma has the face of regret.

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Hook leaves holding the same snow globe Gold was contemplating, but we never find out why.

Emma is told that she can’t light Prometheus until she’s ready to give up the Darkness.

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Something, something, lesson about irony.
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“Wow… Hook has really girly handwriting.”

Henry gives Emma some motivation to give up the Darkness by channeling a fanfic I wrote about how he and Hook have been conspiring to buy Emma a house.

Motivated by the promise of real estate, Emma confronts Arthur and Merlin in the forest where her parents, Hook, and Regina are being held hostage.

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“How many times have I been tied to this exact same tree in the last five years? *pft* I bet someone on the internet knows.”

Zelena seems stupidly susceptible to Emma’s party tricks.

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When you show up at the club late and that one friend is already turnt.

Emma ties Zelena to a tree, then gets into it with Merlin.

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If Cedric Diggory shows up, I will quit watching this show.
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Regina looks so proud of her young padawan learner.
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When in doubt, Disney, always take out the mom.
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“This better be important. You interrupted our all-night Skyrim session.”

Back in Storybrooke, Zelena has massive gas labor pains, and Regina and Robin arrive to find Zelena pulling a Bella Cullen.

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“You look like that goo that won’t melt in the bottom of a lava lamp!”

Out in the middle of town, Hook throws himself from the highest parapet to force Emma to appear, then forgives her for whatever she’s trying to atone for.

He tells Emma his life history via his trophy-rings-turned-reminders of people he’s killed. He declares his undying-until-the-next-betrayal love for her.

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“This used to be my pimp hand, but it was more effective to use the other one.”

Emma brings Killin back to her house for some Netflix and Chill  Youtube and spooning  Call of Duty and Chestbumps  revelations and poison lipstick.

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“mmmmm tastes like eeeevillll.”
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Don’t trust Dark Ones who bring you onion rings.

Dr. Whale is going through a mid wife life crisis.

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“We’re not mandated to wear gloves, but I hate washing my hands.”

Belle and Mary Margaret bust into Zelena’s room to warn Regina that Emma needs the cries of a newborn to complete her spell.

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SUDDENLY HAMFISTED PLOT DEVICE!

Back in Camelot, Merlin feels really awkward about trying to kill everyone.

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*Three Stooges noises*
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How did it take him 2 hours to figure this out?

Hook manages to slip out of his shackles

And then Hook slap Arthur so hard he got blurry for a minute.

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*pah-kow!*
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And apparently Arthur can physically untie the magical bonds Emma used.

Everyone returns to Granny’s and Emma tries to get the Prometheus flame to spark. Regina tries to get Emma to let her guard down by gently and lovingly using the Dagger to force her to confront her fears.

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Regina is Emma’s AA sponsor. She takes it really seriously.

Mary Margaret’s enduring optimism has no chill.

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“This is why we don’t invite you to more interventions.”

In Storybrooke, Zelena’s baby is coming, ready or not.

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“Wait… THAT’S where babies come from? I thought they came from baskets on the side of the road!”
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Regina: I don’t know if I can handle another baby in my life. I mean, having it with you all the time, never having a moment to yourself, always holding it, never letting it out of your sight… Mary Margaret: Yeah, about that…
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“There are more swords drawn in delivery rooms in Storybrooke than in any other hospital in Maine.” – Actually printed on the hospital brochure
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Dr. Whale is obviously a cyborg because he’s never broken his spine in 5 years.
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The old “wake up shackled in your crazy girlfriend’s basement” routine.
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Apparently she didn’t want the baby!

Shoving all the dark magic into Zelena and then cutting her down with Excalibur is the simplest way the Dark One can think of to fix what’s wrong.

In yet ANOTHER flashback…

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Emma admits she’s only capable of expressing her love to people when she knows they’re about to die, and thus she doesn’t have to commit to them for any longer than their final scene.
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#symbolism

Outside of Emma’s house, a discussion Regina and Mary Margaret should have had weeks ago is happening.

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“I’mma kill my BFF.”
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“You have literally one friend! You can’t kill her!”

Not having many options, Hook agrees to remove Zelena’s power-sucking bracelet so they can magic themselves out of Fort Nutzy-Kookoo.

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“I’m so sweaty under here! It smells funny!”
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Because heart-ripping-out magic is totally the same as bracelet-removing magic.
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“These hips don’t lie. I am certifiable.”

Zelena and Hook escape the basement, but Hook stays behind to search for the squid ink to use against Emma to make her tell him the truth about her plan.

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Why does the Dark One have bills?
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This painting was just covering another painting of the same painting.
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That old gag.

Hook splashes Emma with the squid ink and begs her to tell him what she’s up to. But before they get anywhere, Zelena comes in and —

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STABBY STAB!
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Hook is somehow faster than the Dark One, but not faster than Zelena stabbing him.

Zelena asks a not-dead Hook if he’d like to see what Emma’s been hiding all this time.

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Emma leaves her most important memory laying around in the yard.
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Dream catchers have fast forward.

Back in Camelot, Emma is set to reunite Excalibur and the Dagger.

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But when she does, Hook keels over.

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Merlin doesn’t bother to tell Emma the wound Killian received by Excalibur earlier will kill him once Excalibur is made whole. Because… Why would that even happen?

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But apparently she can reunite the blades to also save him?

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“Please don’t die! You’re the only one who knows where I left my keys back in Storybrooke!”

So she magics him out of the diner to do the dirty work.

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Or, according to this picture, a giant tarantula breaks out of the back of Emma’s head.

Out in a field of Meadow Mist(™) Roses, Killian sports a dollar store Halloween make up kit gash on the side of his neck. Hook begs Emma to let him die rather let the Darkness save him.

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Replace “darkness” with “heroin” and this is basically Jesse and Jane from ‘Breaking Bad.’

Emma does not listen.

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Mr. and Mrs. Dark One, your table is ready.
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This week on “Damn You, Irony!!”

At least Arthur is ok.

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Lady Gaga ain’t got nuthin’ on me! *snap*

So… there are two Dark Ones?

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DOCTORDONNA!

How do you not know the Darkness is in you? Even if you lose your memory, how do you not feel it?

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Disney needs to market a “Dark One Robe.” I would wear one every time I needed an ego boost. …So, like…. Always.
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Props is over budget this season. Turns out that Things Remembered charges per name.

PHEW! What a ride! I didn’t understand half of it, and I took notes! But there you have it, the big reveal about what Emma’s motives have been.

I’m sick of hearing my own voice, so now it’s your turn. Tell us in the comments what you thought of the show.

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‘Once Upon a Time’ Recap: The Bear King

Picking up right after their defeat in the woods in the previous episode, Zelena and King Arthur return to Camelot. Down but not out, Arthur suggests they head to DunBroch.

After returning from saving her brothers, Merida puts flowers on her father’s grave before her coronation.

Several years earlier, King Fergus arrives at the hut of the Old Witch looking for magic. He needs help leading the clans against the invaders from the South.

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Drafting up a contract faster than Rumpelstiltskin, the Old Witch brews a potion which produces a helm able to command any army into battle.

At Merida’s coronation, just before the ceremony is completed, the Old Witch storms in and tells her her father owes a debt with interest of 10,000 gold sceats. Merida’s options are to pay, which would bankrupt the clans, or find and return the helm. Fail, and the Old Witch threatens to turn the whole kingdom into bears.

In an astounding moment of character building advice, the Old Witch tells her she’s got to learn to lead, then disappears into a cloud of smoke, which is the standard exit for villains.

After a search of her husband’s belongings, Merida tells Elinor that the helm isn’t in the castle, that it fell where Fergus did. Against her mother’s wishes, Merida insists on going after the knight who killed her father.

Two years earlier, Merida and her father walk through camp where the clans are preparing for battle.

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Fergus gives Merida his war bow to carry it into her first battle. He tells her he’s hired her a soldier to tutor her in the art of war. She pulls her sword on the soldier and they spar for a moment before the masked warrior flips Merida and knocks the wind out of her in front of the troops.

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The warrior pulls off her mask as she helps Merida up, and introduces herself as Mulan.

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In present day, Merida finds Mulan working as a grunt enforcer collecting debts. She is devoid of her former sense of honor and only goes with Merida after being handed a purse of gold and the agreement that Merida asks her no more questions.

Arthur and Zelena arrive at the Old Witch’s hut and are greeted with a snarling wolf, which Zelena knocks out with sleeping powder.

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The Old Witch says she doesn’t know where the helm Arthur wants is, and is forced to tell them who she sent to fetch it. Arthur recognizes Merida as a former prisoner in his dungeons, and they go after her.

Merida and Mulan arrive at the battlefield where Fergus fell. Merida recognizes an arrow she shot which tore a piece of the cloak from her father’s killer. Merida questions Mulan about her detachment from Fergus’s death, saying she’s acting like she never knew the man.

In a flashback to before the battle which killed Fergus, Mulan teaches Merida the difference between being strong and smart, and that people won’t just follow her out of fear. She suggests asking Fergus what will motivate the clans to accept her leadership.

Back on the empty battlefield, Merida says she won’t rest until her father has justice. Mulan senses someone is coming, and Zelena and Arthur appear. Arthur tells Merida he needs the helm to save his kingdom. Merida is ignorant of the helm’s power, and Arthur says the helm makes people fight your battles, no matter how dangerous they may be.

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Not wanting to believe her father wasn’t the leader she thought he was, Merida raises her bow, but Zelena magics it away from her. She plans to use a locator spell to find the helm. Mulan keeps Merida from clawing Zelena’s eyes out, and Zelena and Arthur abscond with the bow.

Merida, convinced she can’t lead without magic like her father used, gets ready to return home and give up the crown. Fired up, Mulan insists that Merida can’t give up like this, but Merida says Mulan has, so why not? Merida rides off leaving Mulan stricken.

In a flashback to before the battle which killed Fergus, Merida asks her dad how he inspires so many people despite certain death.

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He looks down at the helm but doesn’t answer. After a long pause, he replies that showing them that you’re the first one ready to lay down your life shows them what an important battle it really is. He sends her off, saying he’s got to keep an eye on the sea for the invaders, but looks back at his helm once more.

In the present, Mulan approaches the Old Witch’s hut, hoping to have her reveal who the cloak belongs to. She’s greeted by the wolf which attacks her. But Mulan recognizes that the creature isn’t really a wolf. She knocks over a cauldron and the wolf turns back into the long-absent Ruby.

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Ruby and Mulan leave together, and Ruby realizes that she’s with Mulan, who her friends in Storybrooke spoke of. She mentions that Aurora was about to have a baby when she last saw them. Mulan changes the subject by asking how Ruby got back to their realm.

We flashback to the night of Prince Neal’s naming ceremony at Granny’s. Though pleased for Snow and Charming, Ruby is melancholy and antisocial. She reveals to Mary Margaret that she’s been feeling lonely lately as she’s the only one of her kind in Storybrooke. With the help of a magic bean from the fields Tiny was working on, she plans to return to the Enchanted Forest to find her pack.

When Mulan asks her if she found them, Red says sadly no. She went to the Old Witch for help, but was turned into a guard dog instead. Mulan shares her reasons for visiting the Old Witch, then shows the cloak to Red. Red says she can help her friend.

Back at the DunBroch castle, Elinor tries to convince Merida handing the crown over is not the right thing to do, but Merida tells Lord MacIntosh the crown will go to him if he finds the helm before the deadline. Mulan and Red arrive, and Mulan says they were both wrong for giving up, and that Red can sniff the knight out.

Flashback to the morning of the battle against the Southern Invaders, Merida realizes Mulan has taken her out to train to keep her from the fight. Merida ditches Mulan to join the battle.

With a helm on his head, Fergus the Bear King leads the four clans into battle against the Southern Invaders.

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While the fight seems to be going in the clans’ favor, Fergus is taken from behind by a masked knight. Merida, arriving too late, tries to shoot the killer with an arrow, but only catches a bit of cloak. Mulan strongarms Merida away to keep her safe as the knight takes Fergus’s helm from his body. The knight reveals himself to be King Arthur.

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Presently, Arthur and Zelena stand at the edge of the same shore on which Merida last spoke to her dad. The locator spell points them to the helm underwater, and Zelena magically retrieves it. But Merida shoots it out of Arthur’s hand. Red says Arthur’s scent is all over the cloak, and an incredulous Merida draws her sword. Arthur admits to seeking the helm to aide him in finding Excalibur.

Mulan reminds Merida that her goal is to find the helm and save her people, not pursue revenge. But when Merida asks why Arthur doesn’t have the helm already, he admits that the one Fergus wore didn’t work, and the clans defeated his men in battle that day. Merida realizes that her father led them without magic.

Edified, Merida redoubles her bravery and fights Arthur for the helm. Mulan confronts Zelena, but before Zelena can throw her fireball, Red hits her with sleeping powder. Arthur and Merida continue to fight, and when Merida eyes the helm, Arthur promises to cut her down just like Fergus.

The Lords of the other three clans arrive, arrows drawn on Arthur and, finding himself with only a drowsy Zelena for backup, lowers his sword and allows her to return them to Camelot.

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Merida thanks the other clans wholeheartedly, and MacIntosh leads the others in a respectful bow, telling her they recognize her as their queen now because she was willing to give up the crown for the good of the kingdom, something her father would have done.

At the coronation ceremony, Elinor introduces her daughter as queen just as the Old Witch bursts in again.

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Merida says she’ll find a way to reverse whatever curse is set upon them, but she won’t be bullied into giving the helm back. The Old Witch reveals that the whole thing was a test, and Merida practically groans as she realizes that getting the helm back made her realize what it takes to rule. As a gift, the Old Witch gives Merida a flask with magical ale of the legend of Seonaidh, a cup of which will summon the spirit of anyone who’s passed to the underworld.

Later, at the grave of her father, Merida says thank you and goodbye to Mulan and Red. Mulan admits she was trying to get over a broken heart. Red offers Mulan a chance to come with her searching for more werewolves, and Mulan accepts.

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Merida splashes her father’s grave site with the magical ale. When he appears, Fergus confesses that it was Merida who convinced him to fight without the magic of the helm, and that he is proud of her.

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He disappears and Merida vows aloud to go after Arthur.

Honestly, ABC should have totally aired this episode BEFORE ‘Birth’, but whatever. Let us know your thoughts on the episode below!

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‘Once Upon a Time’ Recap: Nimue

After some sword fondling in Emma’s basement, Rumple’s image tells her that the blades represent history, and that Excalibur’s promise was born “eons ago,” and that its promise is about to be fulfilled.

1000 years before the time of Arthur, in what looks like biblical wear that even a leper would sneer at, Merlin and a companion struggle through the desert, apparently fleeing from some soldiers.

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What are thooooooose??

In the distance, something shiny catches Merlin’s eye and he limps towards it. The supposed Holy Grail sits atop a rock, and, upon drinking from it, Merlin discovers he now has magic. The desert transforms into the lush woods of Camelot.

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Oh and no big deal, but Merlin’s bro tries to drink from it without asking nicely, and he bursts into smoke.

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Cue the title card with poppies a totally innocent looking field of flowers.

In Camelot, Mary Margaret, David, Hook, Regina, Robin, and a silenced Zelena confer with Arthur as they hammer out a plan to save Emma, who is outside fashioning dream catchers with childlike innocence.

Merlin says it’s his and Emma’s job to procure the magic to reunite the Dagger and Excalibur. Hook is super annoyed with how “fuzzy” the plan to get the blades back from Arthur is.

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No caption. I just happened to get this screen shot and it made me laugh too much to not use. Please enjoy.

He confirms that Emma doesn’t sleep anymore and instead fashions dream catchers meant to steal people’s memories all night. Arthur assures Hook that he knows what it’s like to lose a loved one to the Dark One.

500 years after drinking from the Grail, and 200 years previous to the age of Arthur, Merlin is out by a well healing people a la Jesus.

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“No allegory here. Nope. None. Zero. Now find me a place to eat the Passover.”

His apprentice, then a young boy, is with him. Merlin speaks to the last woman in the queue who tells him she escaped her town, which was being ransacked by a masked man named Vordigan. Though the town was destroyed, she saved Middlemist flower seeds, which she then presents to Merlin. She asks for revenge in the form of allowing the flowers to live on, a reminder that Vordigan did not destroy everything. Merlin lets her plant them, then magics them to bloom immediately, much to her joy and at the expense of some terrible CGI. He suggests that she come to visit them whenever she likes, but is unable to read her future to tell if she will. The woman introduces herself as Nimue.

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“Keep looking at these tennis balls on sticks. They’ll fix it in post.”

Merlin approaches Emma (who is still fashioning dream catchers) about collecting a spark from Prometheus to forge the blades back together. The first Dark One is still around, and they’ll have to face him. Merlin foresees two outcomes: 1) Emma chooses to resist the Darkness, and they return, or, 2) Emma succumbs to the Darkness, and Merlin dies, confirming that “a” Dark One does have the power to kill him. Emma is obviously not excited about that, nor is she happy about the idea of facing Darkness Prime when she’s just gotten Rumple out of her head. To add insult to injury, Emma realizes that if “a Dark One” kills Merlin, it would be her that does it.

As Emma prepares to leave with Merlin, Hook says goodbye to her with a kiss, then hands her a ring that he says is the reason he’s still alive… well, probably – he was kind of vague. He reminds her that the Dark One is immortal, but Emma isn’t, so to bring her back to him. They share some cuteness and Emma looks and acts more human in this brief scene than she has all season.

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*hyuck* I’m the Dark One!

She slips the ring necklace over her head as Merlin tells her it’s time to leave.

Back in the day, Merlin and Niume, who have obviously been in a relationship for a while, discuss what is standing between them and a life together. On one hand, Merlin’s immortality means he will live on after Niume dies, which he can’t bear to think about. On the other, if he fashions the Grail into a sword, it will cut away his magic, leaving him mortal again. They could live their lives out normally until a natural end. Niume, moved that Merlin would give us so much for her, happily accepts the ring he fashions out of a stem-turned-to-gold.

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Am I the only one who remembers the last Mac Guyvered engagement ring fiasco?

OH BTW SKETCHY CREEPY DARK ONE PRIME IS LIKE RIGHT THERE WATCHING THEM.

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“Wait… This isn’t the Little Hangelton graveyard…”

As Mary Margaret, David, Regina, Robin, and Hook work out how to infiltrate Camelot, Zelena silently scoffs and mimes derision at each of their suggestions.

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“Amateurs! You might as well draw a map on one of Granny’s place mats!”
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Literally.

Entering head on, using a diversion, and magicking in will all get them killed, explains Zelena once Regina removes her silencing hex. Zelena informs them that while she was in the castle she formulated a way to excape, and if she knows a way out, she knows a way in. She’ll help them, in exchange for her magic back of course.

Outside a super convenient back door to the bowels of the castle, B Squad gathers. Mary Margaret stands guard with Zelena as Regina magics away the grate, and the boys draw their swords.

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“Why does this door say ‘Cast Members Only’?”

Upstairs, Arthur is rummaging around Merlin’s lab like a meth head looking for quarters.

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*twitch* C’mon, c’mon, just another dollar and I can get some medicine… *twitch*

Guinevere warns him about the strong magic he is working with, but Arthur is adamant that they need protection from the people “from the sky.” So, you know, totally not paranoid. Arthur calls the guards to reinforce the castle and grounds, and then gives them the potion he’s concocted. He demonstrates the acidic like powers of the brew, and instructs them to throw it on any stranger they meet. A creepily intense Arthur tells Guin that it’s war now.

Emma tells Merlin that she’s worried that not seeing Rumple means she has embraced the Darkness. She confesses that she hurt Henry, and she’s worried that the Darkness may be winning. Merlin says that there is hope, and they head up the steep hill before them.

200 years previous, Niume and Arthur walk the ruins of Niume’s village. There is rubble and bone all around, and Niume is overcome with the want for revenge. Merlin steadies her and they note that there are cups in the street.

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Those guys from Kappa Gamma Tau throw the best parties.

Merlin realizes Vortigan demanded to see their cups because he was questing for the Grail. Merlin performs a detection spell and sees Vortigan not far.

"Leave Potter for the Dark Lord!"
“Leave Potter for the Dark Lord!”

He hastens Nimue to leave, but she reminds him that he could strike down the Dark One with one magic word. Merlin, though, insists he cannot, as then the darkness will take root in him, and he is not willing to risk that.

B Squad stands in a really obvious doorway while the guards carry their bubble bubble through the courtyard. They engage in some very cliche talk about waiting for the other shoe to drop and how Zelena hasn’t betrayed them…YET.

Outside, Zelena is in tears about how unfair it is that she’s just trying to help and no one believes her. She doubles over in pain as she cries about Regina taking her baby. Mary Margaret, who has been aloof to her whining, approaches Zelena and is double gut kicked and knocked out. Zelena ties her up.

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“Oh my goodness, are you ok?”
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“HRRRUUNNNGGH! Right in the bread basket!”

Merlin and Nimue approach the Altar of Prometheus. Merlin takes the grail and places the cup near the fire. He magics the cup into the sword we know as Excalibur, whole, with the Dagger piece fully intact. Nimue turns to find Vordigan behind them. Merlin clutches Excalibur, and Vortigan grabs Nimue. Merlin warns Vortigan that the sword will bring him no joy. Nimue fights back against Vortigan, ripping his mask away, exposing Anakin Skywalker his pale, scarred face.

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Totally not derivative.

Vortigan slices open Nimue’s stomach, and she dies in Merlin’s arms.

Merlin and Emma arrive at a dilapidated and overgrown Altar of Prometheus. The flame is extinguished now, and Merlin tells Emma the first Dark One possesses it as a single ember. This is the spark they will need to forge the blades back together. Emma is ready to kick some ass, so Merlin hands her the Dagger. He confesses pragmatically that he didn’t ask permission to take it. He tells her to call on the spirit of all the previous Dark Ones, to reach back to the origin of dark magic, and Emma clutches the ring that Hook gave her. “Take the right path,” she reminds herself.

A slot machine of names appear on the inscription of the Dagger as the Dark One appears before them. Merlin warns that it’s not a “him,” and Emma sees the name “Nimue” on the Dagger as the figure removes its mask revealing a sparkly, scary-as-whoa Nimue.

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“Will you still love me… When I’m no longer… Young and beautiful?”

Flasssssshbaaaaaack to Merlin about to avenge Nimue’s death at the altar. In a poof of purple smoke, Merlin cuts off Vortigan as he walks away with Excalibur. But before they can fight, Nimue rises and pulls Vortigan’s heart from his chest. She reveals that she drank from the Grail and revels in the power of immortality. She says that she had to play dead to remind Merlin what death looks like. He tells her that she holds a man’s heart in her hand, and that if she kills Vortigan, she will go down a dark path that she can’t return from.

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Katniss, have a Snickers. You know how you get when you get hungry.

Nimue chooses to crush the heart of Vortigan and becomes the first Dark One. She grabs Excalibur and strikes the altar, extinguishing the flame and severing the blade, dooming Merlin to immortality.

Flashback over! Nimue approaches Emma, the first Dark One and the newest Dark One, together. Emma realizes that Merlin blames “the Dark One” for killing Nimue because she killed the woman she used to be, the woman he loved. As Nimue attacks, so does Emma, and Emma is mortified to see that she is working in synch with Niume. But Nimue insists that she’s got to be who she is, to claim what’s hers, to stand up for what she wants, and to kill anyone who tries to stop her.

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“She’s evil, but she makes some valid points.”

With her hands on Merlin’s neck, Emma tries to resist, but Nimue infiltrates her mind, telling her they are one, that Merlin is trying to make a sword to destroy them.

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*hrrunnggh!*

If Emma doesn’t kill him know, Nimue warns, then she’ll go back to being powerless, to being nothing.

In a move that actually surprised me, Emma resists and screams that she “was never nothing!”

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Man, this episode had way too many great faces in it. I wish there was room for them all, but Emma’s giant forehead vein is taking up too much bandwidth.

Her name appears on the Dagger again. She holds it towards Nimue and tells her she’s going to take the ember and leave. She magics the ember out of Nimue’s bra, I guess? and holds it in her hand.

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I’m sorry, ladies, Sweeny Todd auditions are one studio over.

Nimue says the sword has more than one use, and she’s not dead yet. When Emma wants her again, she’ll be *points to Emma’s head*

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“Ellliot….”

Alive and relieved, Merlin asks how Emma feels to have take the right path. Emma replies it feels “damn good.”

As they head home, Merlin explains how he and his apprentice kept Excalibur and the Dagger safe. Merlin encased the sword in the stone, and used a tethering spell to bind the Dark One to the Dagger to have some control over her, but Nimue got it away from him. She then imprisoned him in the tree. Nimue wore the mask of Vortigan, dressing up her darkness as vengeance. Emma tells Merlin that Nimue still loves him, and though she’s twisted and evil, that love is still real.

In a flashback, the Apprentice says it’s too bad that Merlin couldn’t see her future and just avoid her to begin with. But Merlin, echoing something David has said before, tells him that “life is made of moments,” and he had some of the best with Nimue.

#YOLO, amirite?

Emma wonders to Merlin if it’s possible to have the Darkness, but use it to protect people. (Hmm, foreshadoing? Or… or is it hindsight? Or… wait, where are we in the time line?) Merlin says there may be a person capable of such a thing, but if they reunite Excalibur and the Dagger, they can wipe out the Darkness forever.

In Arthur’s round table room, B Squad bursts in, and Regina petrificus totaluses incapacitates Arthur.

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“Wingardium levi OH NO YOU DIDN’T!”

Just as Regina is gloating about her upper hand, Zelena comes in with a tied up Mary Margaret and no magic-dampening brace, which Arthur removed apparently?? Yeah, I was a bit lost on that one, too.

Robin prevents Regina from blasting Zelena to hell because #baby, and Zelena takes 3 seconds to read, decipher, and use Merlin’s cookbook.

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“Yeah, see? Says right there. Robin only gets two lines per episode, and one of them has to be about the baby.”

 

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This show, I swear.

She tethers Excalibur to Merlin and puts Arthur in control of it. Once Arthur summons Merlin, he makes the wizard magic B Squad away, then gets all kinds of grumpy on him for treating him like a pawn. Merlin says Arthur was like a son to him, someone he put all his faith in to save him. But Arthur is too hardhearted to believe him. Merlin says Emma has passed her test and all Arthur has to do to fulfil the prophecy that he will banish darkness from the land if he would just give Merlin the sword. But Arthur feels slighted and wants for greatness.

Back where we began in Storybrooke, Emma stands over the broken pieces and Rumple goads her to reunite them. Nimue appears, saying now Emma can douse the light. Then about a hundred Jawas Dark Ones Previous appear, chanting chug chug  “take the power.”

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Emma practically rolls her eyes and gets on with pulling the ember from its storage and doing some kind of funky dance moves that even Drake would question as she forges the two halves back together.

As Emma is about to reach up for the sword, she remembers that Merlin told her not to touch the sword. But both Niume and Rumple encourage her to do it. Emma grabs the sword and looks fierce.

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Did I miss something? When did Arthur get a chance to remove Zelena’s brace? And why didn’t Emma use her power of foresight to anticipate the Nimue reveal? Also, why could Nimue drink from the Grail when we were very blatantly shown that one had to be worthy to drink from it? How could someone motivated by revenge be deemed worthy? What do you think? Tell us in the comments?  

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‘Once Upon a Time’ Recap: Dreamcatcher

I went from hating this episode to appreciating it, but I can’t say I loved it. Let’s just get to it. If I think about it too much, I start writing fanfic to make myself feel better.

Merlin’s has been de-treed! And we meet the first Dark One

In what starts as a showdown between Merlin and the first Dark One turns into a horticulture nightmare.

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The First Dark One was obviously inspired by the Death Eaters.

Merlin, the Dagger in hand, is all set to destroy evil incarnate.

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Fun fact: There’s no name on that Dagger.

Apparently the Dark One is responsible for destruction of the only woman Arthur has ever loved. Whether this is Nimue of Merlin mythology or another character, is not made clear. But in his grief, Arthur fails to kill the Dark One and makes the rookie mistake of dropping the Dagger. The Dark One collects a tear of heartbroken grief from the wizard and then roots Merlin to where he stands, creating the tree we find to still be in the courtyard of Camelot.

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Straight razor shaves are making a comeback, but this is just terrifying.

It’s important to know that we learn all this from Emma, who is viewing it from tree-Merlin’s memories. Last episode we saw her amassing a small (but growing) collection of dreamcatchers in her quarters in Camelot. While this may be her version of Rumpelstiltskin spinning straw into gold to combat his insomnia, this hobby seems to have a more practical use. As we learned in The Cricket Game back in Season 2, dream catchers are powerful in memory magic, even working on Pongo the dog. So waving one over a sentient tree doesn’t seem out of the realm of believability. This won’t be the last time we see Emma using a dream catcher, as the title suggests.

Cue the misleading title card with a pumpkin.
Cue the misleading title card with a pumpkin.

Oh, and no big deal or anything, but the mightiest wizard outside of the Harry Potter ‘Verse is back in human form and offering Emma a chance to un-Dark One herself.

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Who knew he was such a dork?

By the end of the episode, Merlin confirms that he can save Emma from being the Dark One. But, he adds, she must be completely honest and be sure her heart is truly ready to be free. This unanswered question on Emma’s part leads us to believe that either her dishonesty or the repercussions of such somehow put her on the path that sets her up as Storybrooke’s latest villain.

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This is the face of commitment to the side of good.  …It’s not going to end well.

Emma and Regina team up

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I’m a platonic QueenSwan shipper, so I always enjoy seeing Regina and Emma doing anything that isn’t them glaring at each other on Regina’s porch. (More on that later)

Regina reluctantly leads Snow and Charming to the Dagger’s hiding place in the woods. She questions their judgement in handing the Dagger over to King Arthur, and that gets Snow into a snotty mode. As Regina recoils, Snow and Charming are magically immobilized by Emma’s dark magic.

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Snow White is the epitome of grace and kindness.

Emma explains to Regina Arthur’s plan to reunite the Dagger with Excalibur and how the king plans on killing Merlin with the blade. Though initially disbelieving, Regina hears Emma out. Regina’s on board until Emma says it’s time to get down to business and use her dark magic to bust Merlin out. Regina is worried Emma will end up like her.

In Merlin’s study, Emma explains that she used a dream catcher to see Merlin’s memories and found out that David and Mary Margaret were put under a spell to serve Arthur. Emma reveals she doesn’t need to wave it over people to use it. When viewing Merlin’s memories, she saw that Merlin wept, and his tear was used to transfigure him. Regina suggests that if a tear of lost love trapped Merlin, then perhaps another tear could free him.

Though they know it will be difficult, Regina pulls up the memory of Cora ripping out Daniel’s heart.

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“This cross stitch sampler is amazing, but I have no idea where I’d hang it.”

This easily induces a tear from Regina, which Emma bottles. Emma admits she never realized how terrible Regina had it when she was younger and understands better why Regina was driven to darkness.

It’s no mystery why we see and hear Cora tell Daniel about sacrifice and doing what’s best for your children. There’s some heavy foreshadowing coming up, and given that Emma has the power of foresight, she probably knows all too well what she’s going ot have to do.

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“It’s my As Seen On TV minibar on the go!”

That night, out in Merlin’s courtyard, Emma breaks out the mini bar and they add Regina’s tear to the potion. But the potion fizzles.

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“I… don’t actually know how to make Jungle Juice.”

Emma realizes that Regina’s heartbreak has healed because she’s moved on and is with Robin now. Henry comes up, late as usual to midnight potion making parties, and his moms see he’s visibly upset. Henry admits that despite his best efforts, Violet wanted nothing to do with him, then sheds a tear born of love’s first heartbreak. Regina quickly grabs it with a cloth and tells Henry that he’s going to be a hero.

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“We’re very concerned about your feelings, but you’re also a magical tear dispenser, so stand still, Sparklets.”

They are interrupted by Arthur and his knights, who threaten death if they proceed. Regina hands the tear stained cloth off to Emma and holds the knights off with a fireball or seven.

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When the sorceress and the bard roll a 4 and the mage rolls a natural 20.

The potion turns into a frightening spaghetti monster of light and dark magic, which Emma channels towards the tree, enveloping it.

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Gypsy moths… Gypsy months everywhere.

When the smoke clears, Merlin rises from his roots. He recognizes Emma at once. Merlin tells Arthur he’s disappointed him, and Arthur accuses Merlin of sending him on an impossible quest full of false prophecies. Arthur pulls his sword, but Merlin scoffs, saying that broken thing can’t harm him.

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“I did not think this through.”

Emma is terrible and Henry is ruined for life

Okay, maybe not ruined for life… But definitely heartbroken for a while. And his mom caused it. Not, not the one that usually does it! This time Regina isn’t the cause of Henry’s woes. In a flip-upside-down from the first season, Emma is now the one using Henry for self-serving reasons, and Regina is standing up to the Dark One for him.

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*poignant look* So… Have you ever read a John Green novel?

In her stable, Violet and Henry bond over dead parents and horses. We see Henry make a total ass out of himself in front of Violet’s father, Sir Morgan.

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“Why ya gotta be so rude? Don’t you know I’m human too?”

Their initial meeting doesn’t go well at all, and Henry leaves thinking he must change and better himself to win the affection of Violet and the approval of her father. Regina and Emma find Henry practicing his sword skills out in the woods and remind him that who he is is just as exciting, interesting, and worthy as who he thinks he needs to be.

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This week on “My Two Moms” Henry realizes he might not want to take love advice from two women who can’t seem keep their boyfriends alive for more than a season.

Though Henry still feels he ought to change some things to grow and be a better person, he embraces what he does has going for him, his mysterious-visitor-from-a-strange-landness, and sets up a dinner date at Granny’s.

Henry plays “their song,” Only You by Yazoo, and woos Violet with the old soda-in-a-wine-glass routine.

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Someone in props totally got fired because they forgot Disney is sponsored by Coke.

Then he wins any sane girl’s heart over with the promise of lasagna. And when a dude offers me lasagna, I assume he’s trying to court me too. Unfortunately Violet veers off course and defines friendzoning to Henry without the aide of urbandictionary. I mean, OUCH.

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Henry was legit trying to implement Operation: Netflix and Chill

But back in Storybrooke, Violet is disheartened by the loss of her beloved horse. Henry promises to help her find Nicodemus and approaches Emma to help find him. In a throwback to their buddy cop Operation Cobra days, Emma and Henry set off in the yellow bug to start their search. After questioning Henry about Violet, she learns that Henry played the girl a song that Neal used to play for her.

Knowing that Nic has a liking for pumpkin, Emma drives to Peter Peter’s, a side-of-the-road fruit and veggie stand that specializes in pumpkins.

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Or if could be a used carriage lot. Who knows in Storybrooke?

Nicodemus appears and starts freaking out around the Dark One.

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But Henry lures him to him by using a hunk of pumpkin and the high falsetto of his youth.

Henry later finds his moms at the Merlin-tree. Their previous attempts at potion making have failed and they need a new tear. Oh, how convenient, teenager Henry has experienced his first heartbreak, and he’s crying! Blah, blah, blah, tear goes in the potion, potion works, Merlin is de-treed.

Back in Storybrooke, Henry rides Nicodemus through the fair and up to Violet who is walking with her father.

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What is this, “The Cowboy Way”?

Sir Morgan is impressed with Henry’s accomplishment and humility, compliments him thusly, then takes Nic so the two can have fun together. Violet kisses Henry’s cheek in thanks, and the two head off to enjoy the fair.

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“Hail Hydra.”

Back in Regina’s house, she and Robin ponder the dream catcher. Regina hesitates to uncover what memories it holds, but Robin says the only way to find out what happened is to look. Regina magics the thing and they realize they are watching Violet’s memories from back in the stable. Emma appears in the stable and says Henry can never know about this, then pulls out the girl’s heart. She needs the fresh tear of a lost first love, and she needs her to break Henry’s heart. Unbeknownst to them, Henry has come in and is standing behind Regina and Robin.

Emma comes to Regina’s house to see Henry, but Regina is pissed, knowing full well that Emma has broken their son’s heart on purpose, took their memories, and Gold. She insists that there’s nothing Emma couldn’t come back from, thought Emma would be different. Regina shows Emma the stolen dream catcher and tells her Henry is devastated.

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“I found this. Just lying around. In your locked house. In a box. Just out in the open!”

She guesses that Emma set Nicodemus free just so Henry could reunite him with Violet to make up for breaking up the two in Camelot. Regina knows how Dark Ones think, after all. Emma says she had good reason, and Regina realizes that Cora said the same things to her before doing dastardly things. Emma slips up and says it was the only way to free Merlin. Regina wonders why Emma is still the Dark One. In a balls-in-a-wheel-barrow move, Regina denies the Dark One a visit with Henry and slams the door in her face.

From his window, Henry looks down at his mom, then closes the curtains on her.

This is like a scene from a really bizarre Taylor Swift video.”

It doesn’t matter the reasons. Henry knows Emma purposefully hurt him to further an agenda. And at Henry’s (dubious) age, that’s gonna leave a mark.

Rumple just might get to be brave afterall

It only took him 300 years, but, hey.

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“Hey, guys, Rumple is missing! Like he was in the last episode. Remember? When I couldn’t find him and I told David and Arthur I was working on a spell to find him? Well, I’m telling you again, like it just happened. Something, something, reasonable cause to break into Emma’s house.”

Rumple is still captive in Emma’s basement, which is not a sentence I ever thought I was going to type. Emma tells him he’s going to get her the sword. He tries to explain that the more dark magic Emma uses, no matter what the reason, will just push away the ones she loves the most.

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I feel like Rumple and Severus Snape both subscribe to “Stingy Hair Monthly” magazine.

This seems to resonate with Emma, but she ignores him and calls Merida out of the shadows, telling her to take Rumple to the woods to begin his training. Considering he can barely stand without falling over, this should be interesting. Merida tries to defy Emma, but Emma still holds the Scot’s heart. She magics Merida and Rumple to the woods.

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“Bye, Felicias.”

The Dark One heads to a garage out back. Inside, it’s filled with hundreds of dream catchers handing from the rafters. She takes one down and begins to cry in earnest.

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Of all the things previous Dark Ones have had hanging from their rafters, dream catchers are really quite tame.

Out in the woods Merida is all business despite Rumple’s mangled foot. Rumple, though, keeps insisting he’s not a hero and that he can never be brave.

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“C’mon, you’ve got one leg and no spine! Man up!”

In massive frustration, Merida knocks Rumple unconscious, promising to find his motivation.

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“Oy, Hydra!”

Merida breaks into Gold’s shop and hunts for some kind of insight to his motivations. She returns to the woods and tells Rumple that if he won’t fight, she’ll give him something to fight for. She dangles his beloved chipped cup above him, then throws him a sword.

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“You English and your weakness for tea!”

He fails at sparring with her, but she goads him with memories of Belle, and he swings. She is much pleased and encourages him, saying that swing was an act of bravery because it was for Belle. She goads him further and he doesn’t back down. Merida says they have a long way to go before they can take on Emma.

The Scooby Gang finally breaches Emma’s basement

After investigating the disappearance of Gryf from the holding cell in Storybrooke, the conversation totally naturally leads to discussing the morale of Camelot’s citizens. Mary Margaret, with the suggestion from Henry, decides to put on a dance/bike safety street fair because she and David are the town’s leaders and ambassadors of fun! Because in a crisis the only logical course of action and use of time and resources is to put on a damn party.

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If you listen closely you can hear the band playing on as the Titanic sinks.

Also, Henry and Violet are texting, because apparently Storybrooke has a cellphones for curse victims program. These people have been here for about a week, and already the teenagers have mastered technology.

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I’d like to point out the girl from medieval times is typing with with modern slang and Henry the author is using emojis.

Regina, Robin, Hook, and Belle go searching for Rumple, or some kind of clues, in Emma’s home while Henry has Emma distracted. Despite protection spells, the gang breach the home and head straight for the basement. Sidenote, I kinda feel like Hook’s asking Robin to help him get into the house last episode was kinda cast aside. Robin doesn’t even come up with a suggestion as to how to get into the place, leaving that to Belle.

Down in the basement, they discover Excalibur in the rock, and immediately note that it bears a striking resemblance to the Dagger.

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“This looks vaguely familiar. I can’t place it. Steak knife at Granny’s?”

Robin finally utters a throwaway line, and Hook makes a move to pull the sword from the stone. Regina stops him before he can be turned into dust. Belle finds ropes that she assumes once held Rumple, and they decide to search the rest of the house. But Regina receives a text from Henry that Emma is headed back.

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L to R: Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy.

As they make their escape, Hook’s attention is caught by the only decoration in the room, a fancy box on the table. Inside Hook finds a the dream catcher Emma was crying over in her creepy shed of memories. Regina recognizes it as a magical object that most likely was used to take their memories.

At the street fair, Hook, Regina, Robin, Belle, tell Arthur and Guinevere, joined by Mary Margaret and David, that they found Excalibur in the Dark One’s basement.

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“The service is terrible, but the funnel cake is to die for!”

Hook presses Arthur on why the blade resembles the Dagger, and Arthur admits he wanted to make sure he could trust them before telling them the pieces are one in the same. The restored sword can eradicate all dark magic forever, but in the wrong hands, the sword can wipe out all light magic too.

I didn’t want to end on that terrifying note, so let’s just go back and ask ourselves how and why Storybrooke has a large and varied supply of carnie games, ticket booths, prizes, and decorations.

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Also, is that a cotton candy booth? Or a Dippin’ Dots? How did they get a Dippin’ Dots?!

What did you think of Emma’s betrayal of Henry? Tell us in the comments below!

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‘Once Upon a Time’ Recap: The Broken Kingdom

*deep breath* Ok. This episode has officially made up for what I consider a very anticlimactic Season 5 opening. I was so engrossed in the story that when it ended I said to my husband, “I thought we were at the halfway mark! It’s over already?” For me this was the least plodding episode of this season. While it was definitely a challenge to keep the heroes and villains straight this week, the effort was worth it! I felt engaged and rewarded for my time. But there was so much information in this episode that I would pretty much have to reprint the entire script here to give you a classic recap! So this week we’re going to listicle it with Five Things You Need to Know About “The Broken Kingdom.”

5. King Arthur and Guinevere, while not exactly the caliber of villains we’re used to on OUAT, are definitely the bad guys

The most important thing to know in this episode is demoted to fifth place in our list because it was just so obvious.

We discover that Arthur’s backstory (ranging from childhood to very recently) centers around his primary motivation to unite Excalibur with its missing piece, fulfilling Merlin’s prophecy of his kingship by restoring Camelot, the titular Broken Kingdom. Ok, solid. What may surprise some folks is that he used magic to deceive his subjects, control his wife, and ultimately possess the Dagger.

Narrator: That was the summer I met Winnie Cooper and knew we were destined to be together forever.

After being teased as a child for spouting on and on about how someday he would become king, Arthur quests for Excalibur, only to find that it’s incomplete. He returns to the village with it, and claims his prophesied birthright by only showing the intact portion of the sword.

Screenshot 2015-10-19 at 1.58.14 AM
“He said something about ‘just the tip’ earlier. I sure hope he was talking about the sword…”

Screenshot 2015-10-19 at 1.58.29 AM

He reveals to his queen (childhood BFF Guinevere) that the sword is incomplete. He becomes Ahab-and-the-whale obsessed about hunting down the missing piece in order to restore Camelot. Over time his obsession eats away at what threads of a relationship he has left with his wife.

Screenshot 2015-10-19 at 2.04.41 AM
“I keep telling her I just want to read these for the articles, but I don’t think she believes me.”

Guin is comforted by the friendship and devotion of Arthur’s numero uno knight, Lancelot.

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Imma shower her with rose petals.
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Bitches love rose petals!

The two go on a hunt for the Dagger using Merlin’s gauntlet to guide them. This gauntlet leads them to Arthur’s weakness: the Dagger.

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Along the way, the Darkness attacks Lancelot much like it did the Apprentice, Regina, and Emma– which makes no sense because Rumple was the Dark One at the time.
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Also this awkward and predicable kiss happens.

 

The duo find the Dagger’s hiding place.

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I swear, if this is Wonderland again, we’re going to have words.

They find the Dagger….

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“Hello, IKEA? I’d like to order the ‘benstiks’ dagger holder. Yeah, does it come in white? Oh, just ‘ominously evil black’? Well… Ok.”

…but Rumpelstiltskin appears and convinces Guin to take a vial of the Sands of Avalon instead of the real Dagger. The sand will make a broken thing appear whole.

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“Do you have any idea what the street value of this is?”

Guin returns to Camelot, planning to use the sand on Excalibur to stop Arthur’s mad quest, but instead she confesses her plot to him. Arthur, who is already worried Guin and Lancelot have feelings for each other, uses the sand on Guinevere to make her broken love for him appear whole again.

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Guinevere: I can accept that you’ve come out of the closet, but the glitter is a little stereotypical! Arthur: THIS IS WHO I AM!

With Guin’s love “whole” again, he then uses the magic on his kingdom, turning the last standing tower of Camelot into a whole castle and grounds.

Screenshot 2015-10-19 at 2.21.35 AMScreenshot 2015-10-19 at 2.22.00 AM

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Guinevere: At first I was skeptical of the Grow Your Own Kingdom Kit! But it really worked! Arthur: It saved our marriage!

This all leads up to the Storybrooke rescue party’s time there, where David is knighted, Regina is the supposed Savior, and Emma is slowly but surely going bonkersocks and seeing Rumple everywhere. Everything Arthur has told them (especially to David) is a half-truth. His deception is revealed by the end of this episode as he tries to steal the Dagger from Snow and an alive-and-well Lancelot.

Later, assisted by Guinevere and his knights, Arthur throws Lancelot in the dungeons and uses some of the last powder on Charming and Snow. To what final end, we don’t see. But I speculate it’s to enforce the illusion of their loyalty and trust to him.

4. Henry is in love, and it looks like Violet likes him back

Usually I can’t stand the overplayed and predictable “the youngest character falls in love for the first time” story line, but I do think it’s the perfect way to acknowledge the undeniable fact that Henry went from 11 to 17 years old over the summer break.

His relationship with the lovely Violet seems to be progressing normally in Camelot, and I’m interested to see if such a complicated show can handle writing a relatively “boring” romance where a boy and a girl like each other and just enjoy their time together without having to deal with ghouls and curses and whatnot.

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“I’m a courtier’s daughter, but apparently I also muck out stalls.”

Oh, no, wait, they’ve already gone through a memory curse when they returned to Storybrooke. Ok, fine, we can’t have it all. It’s interesting to note that, much to Emma’s chagrin, Henry does lie about the seriousness of his relationship with Violet, making it seem like they’re just acquaintances when really they’ve been spending an awful lot of alone time together.

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“Tell her she’s your happy ending. It worked for me! Kind of.”

Needless to say Hook is not only amused but proud of Henry for getting out there with the womenfolk.

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When your mom and almost-step-dad watch you try to score.

3. David and Mary Margaret are awesome again! But also terrible at being awesome…

After a fight about whether or not to give Arthur the Dagger to reunite it with Excalibur…

It was a very screamy scene.
It was a very screamy fight.

…the pair conspire and Snow teams up with Lancelot to lure Arthur away from Camelot to expose his true motives: to procure the Dagger by any means necessary and to use it to empower himself, fix his sword, summon Merlin, run him through, and also destroy the Dark One. Of course this doesn’t mesh with the mom and dad of the Dark One, so #conflict. After Arthur tries (and fails) to summon Emma, Charming arrives and they take Arthur into custody so they can figure out what to do with Excalibur.

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“We need somewhere secure! To the ol’ diner!”

It’s a combination of inconsistent writing and forcing complexity on to otherwise straightforward characters that has had me grumbling about David and Mary Margaret since the second half of Season 4. But in this episode I felt like Charming and Snow were back again, as husband and wife, as partners, and as heroes.

Screenshot 2015-10-19 at 2.23.54 AM
“It took us a whole year, so I’ll be dee-dum-doodly-darned if you get in the way of us being badass heroes again!”

Err, spoiler alert, they totally fail at keeping the Dagger away from King Arthur. But they had a really great plan going for them up until a brainwashed Guin showed up with the royal posse and made the fight 12 against 3.

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“Where are the pitch forks and torches! This is the worst angry mob I’ve ever been in! Amateurs!”

After Guinevere uses the sand on them, David and Mary Margaret return to Regina and Robin to tell them Arthur is totally cool, Lancelot is a traitor, and making Excalibur whole it their best chance at helping Emma.

Well, ya can’t win ’em all, Mr. and Mrs. Charming. At least you tried.

Oh, and PS, Snow realizes the Dark One’s hiding spot for the Dagger is also the place she saw in the dream where a young Emma rips out her heart.

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“This is so weird, I totally had a dream where you — ACK!”

2. Merida’s heart is literally in Emma’s hands

Emma is still holding Rumple in the caves , as he’s the only one who can get the sword out of the stone. But he’s useless to her right now because he’s not a real hero…yet.

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This is the weirdest Annie Lennox album cover to date.

Emma has a plan to use Merida (who we find strapped to the front bumper of Emma’s yellow bug! Like… WHAT?), and she rips Merida’s heart out and tells her that she’s going to help make a coward brave (just like her).

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“Y’ken take mah heart! But ye ken nevah take mah freedom!”

Fun fact! When Lancelot is thrown into the dungeons, Merida is in the cell across from him. She tells him that any enemy of Arthur’s is a friend of hers. Hopefully soon we learn how Merida went from setting out to free her brothers to imprisoned in Camelot. Sorry there’s not more I can tell you about Merida this week; she was onscreen for about 60 seconds.

“And for 25 of them, I just looked smoldery and intense!”

1. Hook was unwavering in his devotion to Emma in Camelot

I chose this as my number one event in the episode, and you should know it’s not just because I’m a CaptainSwan shipper. This episode highlights just how bad it must have gotten for Hook to have told Emma he loved-past-tense-with-a-d her in episode 3.

Last week we saw Hook turn Emma’s offer of a relationship down despite the potential of great personal peril and wrath. This week we look back in time and see him come to Emma’s aid, thinking nothing of a magic bolt being shot at him by her (by accident), keep her secret of her visions of Rumple tormenting her, and hide her away with Henry’s help so that no one in Camelot realizes she’s going Dark.

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“If you could just stop shooting angry magic at me, maybe we can Netflix and chill?”
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“Just Netflix?”

Moreover, he basically tells her to GTFO her visions and trust that he can free her mind and heart by going hot-pirate horseback riding. I’m not even close to exaggerating that one.

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Emma: I like to try new things as much as the next girl, but that looks uncomfortable. Hook: … It’s for the horse.

He tells Emma he really believes that they can get back to normal in Storybrooke one day, if only she’d trust him.

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For a tough, cool, 200 year old pirate, he’s such a DORK for Emma.

Through all of Emma’s downward spirals in this episode, Hook looks unblinkingly into the abyss and roguishly grins as the abyss stares back. This to me solidifies Hook more and more as a hero deserving of a happy ending. It also makes Hook’s decision to fight the Dark One in episode 3 (when he asks Robin Hood for help discovering what’s in the basement of Emma’s house) all the more personal and serious. Who better to fight the Dark One than a man who has spend over 200 years hunting, calculating, and surviving the same? And spurned on by his love for the woman the Darkness inhabits? Well, let’s just say this came to mind.

Also, they might have consummated their relationship in a field of pink roses. Not sure. It may or may not be implied. ….Ok, it’s kind of implied.

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Did you like Arthur’s back story? What do you think about his use of the sand? To what end will Arthur use Charming and Snow? What do you think Emma has in store for Rumple and Merida? Let us know in the comments!

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‘Once Upon a Time’ Recap: Siege Perilous

What a whirlwind of deceit we had this week! Let’s get started!

Emma appears in the Dwarf caves at the remaining six mine for fairy dust. She absconds with Happy’s ax.

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“Hail Hydra.”

 

Cue the title card with the creepy bog.
Cue the title card with the creepy bog.

In Merlin’s study back in Camelot, Regina, Mary Margaret, David, baby Neal, Belle, and Emma are brainstorming ways to get Merlin out of the tree in the courtyard.

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“I am missing disposable diapers something fierce right about now…”
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“Do you have any idea how much Turkish erotica we’ve had to sift though just to get this far? DO YOU?”

Mary Margaret suggests that Merlin actually *is* the tree, transfigured, and that perhaps there is a way to talk to him. They discover a toadstool that has this property. David decides he will go find it when Arthur says it grows a half days ride from there. King Arthur proposes they quest together as brothers.

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Regina: Hey, maybe we should go to Wonderland! Everyone else: NO! Someone outside: NO! A peddler down the lane: NO! Three fairies in a field: NO! A person in a coma opens their eyes: NO!

Back in Storybrooke, Regina recognizes her handwriting in a book that came from Camelot. The Dwarves bust into the sheriff’s station demanding David act like their prince and sheriff again and do something about his daughter. When they leave, David admits to Mary Margaret that he feels paralyzed. His wife assures him that he is doing the best he can by leading and not giving up.

"I don't think you understand. No one ever actually SWORE ME IN."
“I don’t think you understand. No one ever actually SWORE ME IN.”

David contemplates a picture of him and Emma for a few moments.

Bike safety fair! Sign me up!

Arthur arrives to tell David that his reliquary has been broken into and a magic bean that could get his people home is missing. David assures him that he will help search for it.

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David: Sorry, what’s a reliquary? Arthur: Uh, are you a Prince in our realm, or…?

Back in the secret room under Emma’s house, Emma approaches the rock holding Excalibur with Happy’s ax. Rumpelstiltskin’s image appears again and warns her that her idea will fail. She hits the rock, but the ax blade falls off, much to her dismay. Rumple’s image tells her that they need a hero to pull out that sword, and they both know who that is.

Back in Camelot, a stressed out Regina is comforted by Robin, who leaves to get tea. Regina notes Zelena rolling her eyes at their exchange and gives her “mute handmaiden” her voice back to clear the air. Regina wants to chat about Zelena trying to escape back to Oz with Robin’s child, but Zelena says it was her only chance to be with someone who truly loves her. She just wanted a second chance, but Regina reminds her she’s already had a dozen second chances and to stop painting herself a victim. Before Zelena can have a Jan Brady-style breakdown, Regina reminds her re-silenced half-sister that she’s still the Evil Queen, and promises that Zelena’s baby will totally be loved and safe– unlike Zelena.

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“Regina this, Regina that! Everywhere I go, it’s just Regina, Regina, Regina!”

In the Round Table room, Arthur tells David about the Siege Perilous, the seat reserved to the knight with the purest heart who carries out the most sacred quests – a seat previously held by Lancelot.

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David tells Arthur that he and Snow knew Lancelot back in their realm, but that he had died, much to Arthur’s sadness.

The Squire, Gryff, brings in the reliquary and Arthur takes out the Unquenchable Flame, which he says they will need where they are going.

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“Let me show you the junk in my trunk.”

Let’s just take a moment to really appreciate how badly Arthur needs to take a trip to the Container Store. Like, it’s only a collection of sacred, holy, magical, one-of-a-kind items that brave knights have risked life and limb over. Let’s just throw them in a box. There isn’t even bubble wrap in there. Who does that?

In Storybrooke, David investigates the burgled reliquary and has an idea what the thief’s next move may be. Hook finds Robin at Granny’s and they discuss their awkward love lives. Robin shows Hook a cellphone picture of a sonogram.

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Robin. It’s a picture from up inside Zelena! Killian: *gouges out eyes with hook*

Hook mentions to Robin there’s a weird door in Emma’s house, but before he can share his theories, Granny sets down a large to-go bag complete with instructions for Hook to meet Emma on his ship. Frustrated, Hook leaves for the Jolly Roger.

Hook looks around the quarters in his ship. Emma appears suddenly, but Hook doesn’t like it. Emma apologizes for overreacting the last time they saw each other and asks to have lunch and talk like old times. As Hook sets the bag down, the table from their first date recreates itself, and Emma stands before him in her soft pink dress minus the white hair and scary makeup.

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“I hope you like this dress. This plan was kinda last minute. I couldn’t get a Slave Leia bikini.”

In inky blackness, David and Arthur walk and talk about being leaders who came from low backgrounds. They bond over their commonality and they practically touch abs.

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Arthur: When all this blows over, I think you and I should get an apartment together. David: Maybe you should stop saying words now…

Arthur hands David his flask and they talk about weaknesses and how they’ve changed and grown. They come upon the toadstool at the other end of a rickety bridge over a murky bog. David says he will go and Arthur too-easily agrees. Though David falls on the bridge, he continues on, oblivious to the armor floating a few feet from him.

David and Arthur visit Belle in Gold’s shop. She’s contemplating the rose as yet another petal falls off. She mentions a healing spell that she’s put together, but she still needs an object that touched Rumple from back when he was still a man, before the Darkness found him. They ask about anyone pawning a bean, but no one’s been in all day. But David spies a silver cup that he says will help them catch the thief. Belle says it’s not magical, just a souvenir left over from Doc’s birthday.

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“It still says Doctoberfest on it.”

Out in the woods, David presents the “Chalice of Vengeance” to the people of Camelot, then asks that everyone step up to drink from it so it can reveal the thief.

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“The old ‘pet the black chicken’ ruse. Gets ‘em every time.”

The Squire takes off on a horse and David and Arthur give chase in David’s truck. There is a ridiculous “take the wheel” moment where Arthur learns to drive like Bo Duke in a matter of seconds…

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…and where David uses a 2×4 to joust and knock the Squire to his death off the horse.

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Back in the bog, David acquires the toadstool, then makes his way back across the bridge. But two black armored knights rise up and attack him. David beheads one, but it finds his helmet and continues fighting him.

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“‘Tis but a flesh wound!”

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The other has his head knocked clean off and several feet away. David beheads the first one and makes a break for land. As he runs, another arm reaches up and grabs his ankle pulling him underwater. A struggle ensues and he is pulled free of the water by Arthur. On land they discover that the toadstool is missing. Instead of going back to look, Arthur super calmly gives David some Mike Brady dad speech about the journey being the reward, totally not mad that their chance at communicating with Merlin for the first time in a decade has slipped through their fingers.

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“Nah, it’s cool, I owe him money anyway.”

Before leaving for Camelot, Arthur says he has a place for a man like David.

On the Jolly Roger, Hook hits Emma with a blunt question about what’s behind her locked door. Emma tries to be sweet and joke around, but Hook says the real Emma didn’t play games. Emma admits she’s different now, better. She’s not scared anymore and can finally see things clearly. If Hook is willing to move forward, she says, she could be an open book. Hook is incredulous at her suggestion that they try to have a real relationship, and Emma reminds him that Gold and Belle love each other. To paraphrase Hook, “That’s not exactly comforting.”

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“Can we please not fight? I had to go two towns over to get these bread sticks from Olive Garden.”

Emma says Rumple didn’t find love until he became the Dark One. Hook tells her that Rumple was trying to keep his family together, but that Hook put a cutlass to the man’s neck and ruined his life. Emma, realizing that the blade has touched Rumple when he was still a man, turns playful and reminds Hook about teaching him to sword fight in the fairy tale book. Disgusted, Hook releases the sword to move away from Emma who now holds it.

Hook says he’s done humoring her and realizes, sadly, that the Dark One is there because she needs something, not because Emma wants to be there with him. Emma swears she just wants his trust, but Hook says he liked her the way she was before, even with her walls. She asks him if he loves her, saying she’ll let him go if he doesn’t. Hook says he loved her and backs away, waiting for her wrath, but Emma disappears, leaving him very alone.

In the camp, David interrogates Gryff. The Squire says he wanted to hurt Arthur because he was tired of the kingdom breaking their backs to serve the King.

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“You made me put ointment on your saddle sores!”

Through this he maintains that he never saw the bean Arthur is looking for. Arthur privately says to David that they could have used or lost the bean during the six months they can’t remember. Outside the Squire’s tent they find the toadstool, which David recognizes. He brings it back to Regina.

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I don’t understand this new season of Supernatural.

“You did it! You found an item that might be in some minor way tangentially related to saving our daughter eventually. Good on ya.” – Mary Margaret… kinda

Back in Camelot, King Arthur knights Sir David of the Enchanted Forest and grants him a place at the Round Table sitting at Siege Perilous. David, who expected to take Percival’s seat, is stunned.

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“We present the most manly coat of arms in all the realms! Oh, wait, sorry, this is Guinevere’s cross stitch sampler.”

He takes the seat to applause. Baby Neal begins to cry and Snow takes him outside. In the shadows, Lancelot appears, assuring her that it is really him. He warns of a villain in Camelot, and that the kingdom is not what it seems.

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“You wouldn’t believe the stuff I’ve seen around here. For one thing, NO ONE in the kitchen wears hair nets.”

Later, Arthur and Guinevere talk alone in the Round Table room where Arthur unwraps the toadstool he lifted from David. Though he says he regrets having to lie to David, he tells his wife he must think of the kingdom first, as that is the burden of a king.

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Some guy on Yelp! called “Grumpy07” gave this cell 4/5 stars.

In Storybrooke’s sheriff’s holding cell, Arthur approaches Gryff, who thinks Arthur’s there to spring him. The Squire says he’s done all the King has asked, that he lied for him and told David maybe there was a bean even though there wasn’t one. Arthur says they trust him now, and though they seem friendly, they are a threat. Arthur blames the group from Storybrooke for tearing them away from their home in Camelot. But since they can’t get back, they will build a new Camelot in Storybrooke. Gryff insists he will do anything to help rebuild, but Arthur holds out a vial of venom from Agrabah vipers.

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You can’t fool me, props master. That is pure Ecto-Cooler!

The Squire swears he will never tell their secret, but Arthur says they have magic that could make Gryff reveal their plan. Arthur offers him a chance to die with honor in service to the king and kingdom. He fills the man with the promise of a legacy, and the Squire, shaking but resolute, downs it in one go. Gryff disappears in a puff of smoke.

Hook approaches Robin in Granny’s, saying he needs a thief to help him get into Emma’s locked room. Though Robin considers himself an ex-thief, Hook basically says they’re all ex-bad guys until the shit hits the fan.

Belle hurries in to get her lunch, but just as Granny is insisting that she sit down and eat a decent meal, the rose loses its last petal. A heartbroken Belle is about to cry when Granny points out that the rose is coming back to life. Elated, Belle runs out of the diner saying “He’s waking up!”

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“Oh, dammit, I forgot about the bike safety fair!”

Belle rushes to the back room, but Gold is nowhere in sight.

Down in Emma’s basement, Rumple’s image congratulates Emma on finding something that touched Rumple when he was a man, and for crushing Hook’s heart. Emma disintegrates the cutlass over Gold.

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“Trust me, my mom dated a doctor one time like four years ago.”

Meanwhile, Belle sees the rose fully reform and sparkle anew. As Gold wakes, he says Emma is the Dark One now, not him. Emma says he’s not dark, or light. He’s nothing but a blank slate.

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“Just tell me one thing… Did I sleep through the bike safety fair?”

Emma says she will make him into a hero, the purest who’s ever lived. As he looks around the cavern, not seeing his doppelganger, Emma says then she’ll have a job for him.

Well, I gotta say, this episode kinda hearkened back to the old days of OUAT for me. I liked the bro field trip, and I liked the continued set up of King Arthur as a benevolent sociopath. I could have done without the drawn out lunch between Emma and Killian though. It just pointed out the plot of hole of “when did Emma find out that she needed something that touched Rumple when he was still a man?” Sure, we knew because we heard it from Belle, but when did Emma find out? Well, whatever, I still enjoyed this more than last week’s episode.

But what did you think? Tell us in the comments!

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