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Movie Review: ‘Lace Crater’

Lace Crater Fast Facts:

Director/Writer: Harrison Atkins
Cast: Lindsay Burdge (A Teacher), Peter Vack (6 Years), Chase Williamson (John Dies at the End), and Keith Poulson (Somebody Up There Likes Me)
Genre: Drama
Runtime: 83 minutes
Release: Opens Theatrically NYC + on VOD (Exclusively on FlixFling) on July 29th; Opens Theatrically LA on August 5th; National Rollout to Follow

Review:

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Ruth + Michael = Tru Luv 4eva (Lace Crater)

Lace Crater is a cautionary tale of why kids these days should not do drugs, drink, or have unprotected sex… with ghosts (even if they say they’re a virgin).

No, really!

When Ruth (Lindsay Burdge) and her 20-something year old hipster friends go on a weekend getaway to a pal’s family vacation home in the Hamptons (ooh la la!) they pop pills, down a couple of cold ones, and hang out in the hot tub, sharing secrets and telling ghost stories. While this sounds like the making of a stereotypical horror movie (see my review for The Levenger Tapes), things get really unique (i.e. weird) when Ruth returns to her room and stumbles upon Michael (Peter Vack), a ghost who “haunts” the house.

The two engage in awkward conversation that a middle schooler might call “flirting,” partake in drawn-out face touching that is supposed to be “foreplay,” and have a roll in the hay (or should I say… lilies on a casket). That’s right: Ruth and Michael have a magical night of Woman/Apparition sex as illustrated through dramatic zoom ins of burlap sacks and shaky cam shots of nipples. Alas, the next morning he doesn’t even make her eggs (we learn ghosts don’t eat or defecate), and she doesn’t even leave a note that she’ll text him sometime. Instead, Ruth goes back to the city with her friends.

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My dramatic re-enactment of a real Lace Crater scene

Sadly, what happens in the haunted house in the Hamptons doesn’t stay in the haunted house in the Hamptons: Ruth is quickly plagued with vomiting, hallucinations, bouts of strange ooze, and other disgusting symptoms that will make you swear celibacy. What’s worse is that she’s quickly slut shamed by all of her friends, her doctor is a joke (literally), and she has no idea what to do. The rest of the story is her plight to get answers and figure out what’s going on with her. Unfortunately, as Michael says, sometimes there are no answers and we just have to stop looking. So is the case with this film.

I have to admit, the plot to this story is so out there, that when I read the initial synopsis, I told myself, “NO WAY! I MUST WATCH THAT!” Unfortunately, the delivery of the film suffers for exactly that reason.

It’s just too weird for its own good.

I felt like it was trying way too hard to be whimsical and quirky, to the extent that a lot of the intended charm came off forced. For instance, I believe the dialogue was supposed to be realistic and relatable, but hearing all the awkward pauses and stutters were agonizing! Also, for a film that was relatively short (it clocks in at just 83 minutes), it felt unbearably long due to the choppy editing and haphazard pacing. I had mixed feelings on the aesthetics of the movie. Visually, it looks stunning: gorgeous colors, detailed sets, stylish wardrobes, unconventionally beautiful actors, etc. Any one shot would make a lovely photograph. However, everything appeared to be filmed via a handheld camera, so the cinematography was jarring, and, quite frankly, rather nauseating.

I was also very unhappy with the audio quality. Some parts were very quiet, almost inaudible, while others were booming. I began to wonder if the speakers were haunted, too! I feel like the film team should have invested in a dolly and an additional boom mic before starting production.

Though Lace Crater had an original plot and appealing visuals, it was literally and figuratively painful to watch, so unless you have the patience of a saint (or a ghost) I just can’t recommend it to you, GeekGirl World.

For a closer look at Lace Crater, check out the teaser trailer below:

What did YOU think GeekGirl World? Let us know in the comments section!

You can catch Lace Crater when it opens in NYC or on VOD (Exclusively on FlixFling) on July 29th, or catch it when it comes to theaters in LA August 5th.

Want more movie madness, darling cinephiles? Be sure to check out our other film reviews here!

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GGW Staff Shares Paranormal Experiences

Whether you’re a believer in ghosts/the paranormal or not, you definitely know someone who claims to have had a paranormal experience.

I asked the GeekGirl World staff to share their own paranormal experiences, and what resulted is truly spooky.

Check out our stories below, and feel free to share your own with us!

Allison

I’m fairly certain our house has a ghost.

We have a motion night light in the bedroom that will turn on by itself, but only in the morning and only when both my fiance and I are both getting ready for work. We will both be in the bathroom and will see it go on with no one else in the room. It doesn’t do it any other time.

We also have cabinets in the hallway that make banging sounds that I was certain was my cats, but when I opened the door after hearing the cabinet bang there was no cat. I went to find them and they were all in the living room lying on the couches.
The cold water faucet has turned on but itself and there are footstep sounds from the hallway ceiling.
Nothing too alarming and nothing malicious really.

Ari

It was a dark and stormy night. Literally.

There was a big thunderstorm outside and I was in my room in bed. I think it was either late night or early morning but anyway, I was sleeping, when someone slapping me on my thigh woke me up. I looked over and standing at the foot of my bed was a little girl.

I couldn’t see that clearly in the dark of my room, but it definitely seemed like the outline of a little girl, and I thought it was one of my little cousins, because they were living us at the time. So I was like “what’s the matter? Is the thunderstorm scaring you? Did you want to come sleep in my bed?” But there was this dead silence. Like no response, and then I realized it wasn’t one of my little cousins, and started screaming. Just as I did that, the figure jumped, and slowly moved backwards into my closet that was open behind it and disappeared.

I jumped up on my bed and pulled the chain to turn on my overhead light, and just as I did that, my grandma came running down the hall with a crowbar in her hand. She thought I was being attacked, and when she heard what happened she laughed and said I must have just has a bad dream. My little cousins were in their room fast asleep, and whatever it was, it was gone. And I never saw it again.

Megan

I grew up in a fairly old colonial house in Massachusetts, and I’m pretty certain that it was haunted (though activity was rare, and any ghosts there were absolutely benevolent and weren’t bothering us)

One night I was lying in bed sleeping when I suddenly woke up. All around my bed and over my covers was this green mist. I looked to my left to my windows to see if maybe the light from the cars was shining through, but there were no lights aside from the streetlight. Needless to say, I absolutely freaked out. I ran downstairs with my blanket as fast as I could and slept on the couch.

On some nights when I would sleep on the couch (for one reason or another) I would occasionally hear the doorknobs to the main doors of the house rattle. You might think that maybe someone was trying to get in the house or maybe the wind was blowing on them, but both of those doors were connected to enclosed porches which had their own second locked door to outside.

I believe that any haunting in that house stemmed from my old bedroom. It used to be my brothers room, and he swears that one night he woke up in the middle of the night and saw someone with long hair standing in front of the middle window. He thought it was my dad (who used to have really long hair) and asked him what he was doing. When he got no response, he got up and turned on the light, but nobody was there.

My mother also had an en experience in the house, where late at night she saw someone walk across the hallway and into my room. She came in to scold me, but I was dead asleep.

The freakiest part about that house is that when my father did renovations on my room, he found gunshot holes (from what looked like a shotgun) hidden within the doors and walls. I’ve always wanted to look into the history of the house and see if something horrible happened in that room – it would explain so much. And I’ve also always wanted to write the new owners and ask if they’ve had experiences, but I didn’t want to be that creep.

Tabatha

When I was about 10-years-old we lived in an old house near MLK. I lived there from the age of 5-18. We knew the house was haunted but never had an issue until I was home alone one night.  I was laying in bed and everyone was gone, the house was dark. The way my room faced I could see the hallway and laundry room.

I felt sick, and dizzy and saw this tall shadow man with red eyes. He was standing right outside my bedroom, he never did anything or said anything, he just stared. But he scared the crud out of me, you know like when you meet someone and just have a bad feeling. The next morning I told my mom who apparently had seen him before.

I hadn’t seen him for years, not until I was 20 and living with my ex. I again was home alone and felt sick and dizzy again, I could see the outline of the creature standing outside on my balcony. I told him he was not welcome in my home and needed to leave. Never saw him again and don’t get that sickly feeling.

Have you ever had a paranormal experience? Tell us your stories in the comments!

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