We’re getting closer to the Season 5 premiere of Once Upon a Time but we’re still a month and a half away! I feel like we’ve been looking forward for most of our summer journey together as Oncers, desperate for tastes here and there of things to come. This week we’re going to go back in time with the help of the Internet Movie Database to see what some of our beloved stars were doing before they wound up in the Enchanted Forest. Let it be known! Thar be SPOILERS ahead!
Ginnifer Goodwin – Snow White
Most Snow White role: Margene Heffman, third sister-wife and entrepreneur on HBO’s polygamous drama Big Love from 2006-2011.
I’m not saying Snow White was practicing polyandry when she lived with the Dwarves, but Margene and Snow do have a lot in common. They are bright, spirited, loving mother-types to many, and both have a closet full of skeletons no one saw coming.
Least Snow White role: Maya in Comedy Central’s first original movie Porn ‘n Chicken in 2002. I couldn’t find a clip of her as Maya, so I’m just basing my assumption off the fact that what I did find searching for “Porn ‘n Chicken” didn’t really say “motherly fairy tale princess” to me. And, while we can’t stop you from doing it, we don’t want to tell our readers to Google “porn and chicken,” so here’s a clip of Goodwin on Seth Myers talking about how her son is Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones.
Videogame roll: Roll from Mega Man. Though not a robot that we know of, she’s sweet, protective, and clever. She’s also good with a broom!
Jennifer Morrison – Emma Swan
Most motherly role: As Winona Kirk, in 2009’s Star Trek, Morrison gave birth to yet another little boy who was destined for more than his humble beginnings, who grew up without a proper father, and who went on to strange new lands to defeat creepy villains.
Least motherly role: Zoey Pierson from How I Met Your Mother.
Not only does she not become Ted’s future wife or mother to his children, but she’s likened to Cinderella’s evil step-mother when it’s revealed that her step-daughter hates her.
Bakery roll: Cinnamon roll. The Charming family quirk of liking cinnamon on their hot chocolate is endearing, and Emma has proven she’s very layered. It’s worth getting past her hard outer layers to reach her soft and warm heart.
Lana Parrilla – Regina
Most regal role: Trina Decker from CBS’s Swingtown.
Though an airline stewardess, Trina lived a very affluent life with lots of time for extracurricular activities.
Least regal role: Janet Grafton from several 2004 episodes of NYPD Blue. Nothing says blue collar like patrolling a beat in your home burrough. Throw in a failed marriage and this show has Parrilla in her realist role.
Sushi roll: The “Sexy Roll.” Good or evil, fancy or down to earth, Parrilla is always alluring. And it’s not just her physical assets that make her so. Parrilla’s acting chops have only gotten more honed, making her versatile and in regal command of her stage.
Josh Dallas – Prince Charming
Most mighty and heroic role: Fandral, Thor’s friend and brother in arms from 2011’s Thor is one-third of the Warriors Three and is as princely and charming as Dallas’s OUaT counterpart. Sadly many of Dallas’s scenes in Thor were deleted and he was unable to reprise his role in Thor: The Dark World because of scheduling conflicts filming OUaT.
Least mighty or heroic role: Node #2 in a 2008 episode of Doctor Who called “The Silence in the Library.”
Dallas played the face of Mark Chambers, a man who donated his face to the library to be a pleasing visual representation most likely to appear pleasing to the user, in this case Donna Noble. Skip to about the 10 minute mark to facetime with Dallas.
Lunch roll: The hero roll. From lunchtime staple to party platter necessity, the hero roll is loved by all. Bonus, sometimes the nicer ones come with a little decorative sword!
Robert Carlyle – Rumpelstiltskin
Highest grossing role: Portraying Gaz in 1997’s The Full Monty, this was Carlyle’s, and the UK’s, highest grossing film to date, raking in $45,950,122 after a budget of only $3,500,000. Please enjoy this clip of Rumpelstiltskin embarrassing Baelfire.
Lowest grossing role: Funny enough, Carlyle also starred in a film titled Once Upon a Time in the Midlands about a petty thief who tries to get his babymama back after a decade. It had a budget of $3,041,025 but only made about $172,564. That’s right, you did the math in your head correctly. That’s about 5%. This may or may not have been a student film, I’m not sure. See if you can sit through the trailer longer than I could.
Totally not gross roll: Scottish sausage roll. I really don’t feel I should have to explain this one. Have you had one of these? Make them and eat them with no apologies to your heart, waistline, or doctor.
Colin O’Donoghue – Killian Jones
Best dressed role: Duke Philip of Bavaria from 2009’s The Tudors is arguably the most opulently dressed character O’Donoghue’s played. It’s a far cry from his pirate garb, which, while practical, is undeniably the uniform of a rogue and scoundrel. Watch his doomed romance with Mary Tudor, as played by OUaT’s Sarah Bolger, here.
Least dressed role: Lead gent in Christina Perri’s music video for The Words, O’Donoghue doesn’t just appear shirtless, but also takes a pensive bath before bed.
It’s crucial to the plot, I tell you! Fun fact, Perri dedicated The Words to Hook and Emma’s romance, making her the ultimate fanvid creator.
Protip Roll: Rolling your shirts to fit more of them in your luggage.
“Not that Colin O’Donoghue needs more shirts.”
– the majority of the fangirl community
Giancarlo Esposito – Sidney Glass
Giancarlo has the distinguished honor of having what I think is undeniably the most international Wikipedia introduction ever:
Giancarlo Giuseppe Alessandro Esposito (born April 26, 1958) is a Danish-born American actor, director, and producer of African-Italian descent.
Most notable role: Gus Fring, Walter White’s boss and haunted sociopath from Breaking Bad, 2009-2011. Here he is imparting his wisdom, “a man provides.”
Surprising role: Mickey, the camp counselor at Camp Echo Rock in Season 14 of Sesame Street.
Check out his scenes here, and especially enjoy the one where Big Bird thinks he’s getting mugged by the future meth kingpin of the Southwest.
Edible roll: A chocolate Danish. I won’t lie; I made myself laugh at that one.
All this talk about sushi and danish have left me hungry, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch Season 4 again and eat my feelings.
What are some former roles from OUaT stars that you think are interesting? Tell us in the comments below!
Streiber, Art. BIG LOVE Season 2: Ginnifer Goodwin. Digital image. N.p., 15 Aug. 2007. Web. 2 August 2015.
CBS. How I Met Your Mother. Digital image. N.p. Web. 2 August 2015.
CBS. Swingtown. Digital image. N.p. Web. 2 August 2015.
BBC. Doctor Who: Josh Dallas. Digital image. N.p. Web. 2 August 2015.
Fox Searchlight. Robert Carlyle OBE. Digital image. N.p. Web. 2 August 2015.
Perri, Christina. “The Words.” Head or Heart. Atlantic Records, 2014. Music Video.
PBS. GiancarloEspositoBigBirdRusty. Digital image. N.p. 4 September, 2014. Web. 2 August 2015.