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‘Once Upon a Time’ Recap: The Bear King

Picking up right after their defeat in the woods in the previous episode, Zelena and King Arthur return to Camelot. Down but not out, Arthur suggests they head to DunBroch.

After returning from saving her brothers, Merida puts flowers on her father’s grave before her coronation.

Several years earlier, King Fergus arrives at the hut of the Old Witch looking for magic. He needs help leading the clans against the invaders from the South.

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Drafting up a contract faster than Rumpelstiltskin, the Old Witch brews a potion which produces a helm able to command any army into battle.

At Merida’s coronation, just before the ceremony is completed, the Old Witch storms in and tells her her father owes a debt with interest of 10,000 gold sceats. Merida’s options are to pay, which would bankrupt the clans, or find and return the helm. Fail, and the Old Witch threatens to turn the whole kingdom into bears.

In an astounding moment of character building advice, the Old Witch tells her she’s got to learn to lead, then disappears into a cloud of smoke, which is the standard exit for villains.

After a search of her husband’s belongings, Merida tells Elinor that the helm isn’t in the castle, that it fell where Fergus did. Against her mother’s wishes, Merida insists on going after the knight who killed her father.

Two years earlier, Merida and her father walk through camp where the clans are preparing for battle.

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Fergus gives Merida his war bow to carry it into her first battle. He tells her he’s hired her a soldier to tutor her in the art of war. She pulls her sword on the soldier and they spar for a moment before the masked warrior flips Merida and knocks the wind out of her in front of the troops.

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The warrior pulls off her mask as she helps Merida up, and introduces herself as Mulan.

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In present day, Merida finds Mulan working as a grunt enforcer collecting debts. She is devoid of her former sense of honor and only goes with Merida after being handed a purse of gold and the agreement that Merida asks her no more questions.

Arthur and Zelena arrive at the Old Witch’s hut and are greeted with a snarling wolf, which Zelena knocks out with sleeping powder.

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The Old Witch says she doesn’t know where the helm Arthur wants is, and is forced to tell them who she sent to fetch it. Arthur recognizes Merida as a former prisoner in his dungeons, and they go after her.

Merida and Mulan arrive at the battlefield where Fergus fell. Merida recognizes an arrow she shot which tore a piece of the cloak from her father’s killer. Merida questions Mulan about her detachment from Fergus’s death, saying she’s acting like she never knew the man.

In a flashback to before the battle which killed Fergus, Mulan teaches Merida the difference between being strong and smart, and that people won’t just follow her out of fear. She suggests asking Fergus what will motivate the clans to accept her leadership.

Back on the empty battlefield, Merida says she won’t rest until her father has justice. Mulan senses someone is coming, and Zelena and Arthur appear. Arthur tells Merida he needs the helm to save his kingdom. Merida is ignorant of the helm’s power, and Arthur says the helm makes people fight your battles, no matter how dangerous they may be.

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Not wanting to believe her father wasn’t the leader she thought he was, Merida raises her bow, but Zelena magics it away from her. She plans to use a locator spell to find the helm. Mulan keeps Merida from clawing Zelena’s eyes out, and Zelena and Arthur abscond with the bow.

Merida, convinced she can’t lead without magic like her father used, gets ready to return home and give up the crown. Fired up, Mulan insists that Merida can’t give up like this, but Merida says Mulan has, so why not? Merida rides off leaving Mulan stricken.

In a flashback to before the battle which killed Fergus, Merida asks her dad how he inspires so many people despite certain death.

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He looks down at the helm but doesn’t answer. After a long pause, he replies that showing them that you’re the first one ready to lay down your life shows them what an important battle it really is. He sends her off, saying he’s got to keep an eye on the sea for the invaders, but looks back at his helm once more.

In the present, Mulan approaches the Old Witch’s hut, hoping to have her reveal who the cloak belongs to. She’s greeted by the wolf which attacks her. But Mulan recognizes that the creature isn’t really a wolf. She knocks over a cauldron and the wolf turns back into the long-absent Ruby.

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Ruby and Mulan leave together, and Ruby realizes that she’s with Mulan, who her friends in Storybrooke spoke of. She mentions that Aurora was about to have a baby when she last saw them. Mulan changes the subject by asking how Ruby got back to their realm.

We flashback to the night of Prince Neal’s naming ceremony at Granny’s. Though pleased for Snow and Charming, Ruby is melancholy and antisocial. She reveals to Mary Margaret that she’s been feeling lonely lately as she’s the only one of her kind in Storybrooke. With the help of a magic bean from the fields Tiny was working on, she plans to return to the Enchanted Forest to find her pack.

When Mulan asks her if she found them, Red says sadly no. She went to the Old Witch for help, but was turned into a guard dog instead. Mulan shares her reasons for visiting the Old Witch, then shows the cloak to Red. Red says she can help her friend.

Back at the DunBroch castle, Elinor tries to convince Merida handing the crown over is not the right thing to do, but Merida tells Lord MacIntosh the crown will go to him if he finds the helm before the deadline. Mulan and Red arrive, and Mulan says they were both wrong for giving up, and that Red can sniff the knight out.

Flashback to the morning of the battle against the Southern Invaders, Merida realizes Mulan has taken her out to train to keep her from the fight. Merida ditches Mulan to join the battle.

With a helm on his head, Fergus the Bear King leads the four clans into battle against the Southern Invaders.

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While the fight seems to be going in the clans’ favor, Fergus is taken from behind by a masked knight. Merida, arriving too late, tries to shoot the killer with an arrow, but only catches a bit of cloak. Mulan strongarms Merida away to keep her safe as the knight takes Fergus’s helm from his body. The knight reveals himself to be King Arthur.

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Presently, Arthur and Zelena stand at the edge of the same shore on which Merida last spoke to her dad. The locator spell points them to the helm underwater, and Zelena magically retrieves it. But Merida shoots it out of Arthur’s hand. Red says Arthur’s scent is all over the cloak, and an incredulous Merida draws her sword. Arthur admits to seeking the helm to aide him in finding Excalibur.

Mulan reminds Merida that her goal is to find the helm and save her people, not pursue revenge. But when Merida asks why Arthur doesn’t have the helm already, he admits that the one Fergus wore didn’t work, and the clans defeated his men in battle that day. Merida realizes that her father led them without magic.

Edified, Merida redoubles her bravery and fights Arthur for the helm. Mulan confronts Zelena, but before Zelena can throw her fireball, Red hits her with sleeping powder. Arthur and Merida continue to fight, and when Merida eyes the helm, Arthur promises to cut her down just like Fergus.

The Lords of the other three clans arrive, arrows drawn on Arthur and, finding himself with only a drowsy Zelena for backup, lowers his sword and allows her to return them to Camelot.

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Merida thanks the other clans wholeheartedly, and MacIntosh leads the others in a respectful bow, telling her they recognize her as their queen now because she was willing to give up the crown for the good of the kingdom, something her father would have done.

At the coronation ceremony, Elinor introduces her daughter as queen just as the Old Witch bursts in again.

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Merida says she’ll find a way to reverse whatever curse is set upon them, but she won’t be bullied into giving the helm back. The Old Witch reveals that the whole thing was a test, and Merida practically groans as she realizes that getting the helm back made her realize what it takes to rule. As a gift, the Old Witch gives Merida a flask with magical ale of the legend of Seonaidh, a cup of which will summon the spirit of anyone who’s passed to the underworld.

Later, at the grave of her father, Merida says thank you and goodbye to Mulan and Red. Mulan admits she was trying to get over a broken heart. Red offers Mulan a chance to come with her searching for more werewolves, and Mulan accepts.

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Merida splashes her father’s grave site with the magical ale. When he appears, Fergus confesses that it was Merida who convinced him to fight without the magic of the helm, and that he is proud of her.

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He disappears and Merida vows aloud to go after Arthur.

Honestly, ABC should have totally aired this episode BEFORE ‘Birth’, but whatever. Let us know your thoughts on the episode below!

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‘Once Upon a Time’ Recap: The Broken Kingdom

*deep breath* Ok. This episode has officially made up for what I consider a very anticlimactic Season 5 opening. I was so engrossed in the story that when it ended I said to my husband, “I thought we were at the halfway mark! It’s over already?” For me this was the least plodding episode of this season. While it was definitely a challenge to keep the heroes and villains straight this week, the effort was worth it! I felt engaged and rewarded for my time. But there was so much information in this episode that I would pretty much have to reprint the entire script here to give you a classic recap! So this week we’re going to listicle it with Five Things You Need to Know About “The Broken Kingdom.”

5. King Arthur and Guinevere, while not exactly the caliber of villains we’re used to on OUAT, are definitely the bad guys

The most important thing to know in this episode is demoted to fifth place in our list because it was just so obvious.

We discover that Arthur’s backstory (ranging from childhood to very recently) centers around his primary motivation to unite Excalibur with its missing piece, fulfilling Merlin’s prophecy of his kingship by restoring Camelot, the titular Broken Kingdom. Ok, solid. What may surprise some folks is that he used magic to deceive his subjects, control his wife, and ultimately possess the Dagger.

Narrator: That was the summer I met Winnie Cooper and knew we were destined to be together forever.

After being teased as a child for spouting on and on about how someday he would become king, Arthur quests for Excalibur, only to find that it’s incomplete. He returns to the village with it, and claims his prophesied birthright by only showing the intact portion of the sword.

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“He said something about ‘just the tip’ earlier. I sure hope he was talking about the sword…”

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He reveals to his queen (childhood BFF Guinevere) that the sword is incomplete. He becomes Ahab-and-the-whale obsessed about hunting down the missing piece in order to restore Camelot. Over time his obsession eats away at what threads of a relationship he has left with his wife.

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“I keep telling her I just want to read these for the articles, but I don’t think she believes me.”

Guin is comforted by the friendship and devotion of Arthur’s numero uno knight, Lancelot.

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Imma shower her with rose petals.
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Bitches love rose petals!

The two go on a hunt for the Dagger using Merlin’s gauntlet to guide them. This gauntlet leads them to Arthur’s weakness: the Dagger.

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Along the way, the Darkness attacks Lancelot much like it did the Apprentice, Regina, and Emma– which makes no sense because Rumple was the Dark One at the time.
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Also this awkward and predicable kiss happens.


The duo find the Dagger’s hiding place.

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I swear, if this is Wonderland again, we’re going to have words.

They find the Dagger….

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“Hello, IKEA? I’d like to order the ‘benstiks’ dagger holder. Yeah, does it come in white? Oh, just ‘ominously evil black’? Well… Ok.”

…but Rumpelstiltskin appears and convinces Guin to take a vial of the Sands of Avalon instead of the real Dagger. The sand will make a broken thing appear whole.

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“Do you have any idea what the street value of this is?”

Guin returns to Camelot, planning to use the sand on Excalibur to stop Arthur’s mad quest, but instead she confesses her plot to him. Arthur, who is already worried Guin and Lancelot have feelings for each other, uses the sand on Guinevere to make her broken love for him appear whole again.

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Guinevere: I can accept that you’ve come out of the closet, but the glitter is a little stereotypical! Arthur: THIS IS WHO I AM!

With Guin’s love “whole” again, he then uses the magic on his kingdom, turning the last standing tower of Camelot into a whole castle and grounds.

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Guinevere: At first I was skeptical of the Grow Your Own Kingdom Kit! But it really worked! Arthur: It saved our marriage!

This all leads up to the Storybrooke rescue party’s time there, where David is knighted, Regina is the supposed Savior, and Emma is slowly but surely going bonkersocks and seeing Rumple everywhere. Everything Arthur has told them (especially to David) is a half-truth. His deception is revealed by the end of this episode as he tries to steal the Dagger from Snow and an alive-and-well Lancelot.

Later, assisted by Guinevere and his knights, Arthur throws Lancelot in the dungeons and uses some of the last powder on Charming and Snow. To what final end, we don’t see. But I speculate it’s to enforce the illusion of their loyalty and trust to him.

4. Henry is in love, and it looks like Violet likes him back

Usually I can’t stand the overplayed and predictable “the youngest character falls in love for the first time” story line, but I do think it’s the perfect way to acknowledge the undeniable fact that Henry went from 11 to 17 years old over the summer break.

His relationship with the lovely Violet seems to be progressing normally in Camelot, and I’m interested to see if such a complicated show can handle writing a relatively “boring” romance where a boy and a girl like each other and just enjoy their time together without having to deal with ghouls and curses and whatnot.

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“I’m a courtier’s daughter, but apparently I also muck out stalls.”

Oh, no, wait, they’ve already gone through a memory curse when they returned to Storybrooke. Ok, fine, we can’t have it all. It’s interesting to note that, much to Emma’s chagrin, Henry does lie about the seriousness of his relationship with Violet, making it seem like they’re just acquaintances when really they’ve been spending an awful lot of alone time together.

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“Tell her she’s your happy ending. It worked for me! Kind of.”

Needless to say Hook is not only amused but proud of Henry for getting out there with the womenfolk.

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When your mom and almost-step-dad watch you try to score.

3. David and Mary Margaret are awesome again! But also terrible at being awesome…

After a fight about whether or not to give Arthur the Dagger to reunite it with Excalibur…

It was a very screamy scene.
It was a very screamy fight.

…the pair conspire and Snow teams up with Lancelot to lure Arthur away from Camelot to expose his true motives: to procure the Dagger by any means necessary and to use it to empower himself, fix his sword, summon Merlin, run him through, and also destroy the Dark One. Of course this doesn’t mesh with the mom and dad of the Dark One, so #conflict. After Arthur tries (and fails) to summon Emma, Charming arrives and they take Arthur into custody so they can figure out what to do with Excalibur.

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“We need somewhere secure! To the ol’ diner!”

It’s a combination of inconsistent writing and forcing complexity on to otherwise straightforward characters that has had me grumbling about David and Mary Margaret since the second half of Season 4. But in this episode I felt like Charming and Snow were back again, as husband and wife, as partners, and as heroes.

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“It took us a whole year, so I’ll be dee-dum-doodly-darned if you get in the way of us being badass heroes again!”

Err, spoiler alert, they totally fail at keeping the Dagger away from King Arthur. But they had a really great plan going for them up until a brainwashed Guin showed up with the royal posse and made the fight 12 against 3.

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“Where are the pitch forks and torches! This is the worst angry mob I’ve ever been in! Amateurs!”

After Guinevere uses the sand on them, David and Mary Margaret return to Regina and Robin to tell them Arthur is totally cool, Lancelot is a traitor, and making Excalibur whole it their best chance at helping Emma.

Well, ya can’t win ’em all, Mr. and Mrs. Charming. At least you tried.

Oh, and PS, Snow realizes the Dark One’s hiding spot for the Dagger is also the place she saw in the dream where a young Emma rips out her heart.

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“This is so weird, I totally had a dream where you — ACK!”

2. Merida’s heart is literally in Emma’s hands

Emma is still holding Rumple in the caves , as he’s the only one who can get the sword out of the stone. But he’s useless to her right now because he’s not a real hero…yet.

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This is the weirdest Annie Lennox album cover to date.

Emma has a plan to use Merida (who we find strapped to the front bumper of Emma’s yellow bug! Like… WHAT?), and she rips Merida’s heart out and tells her that she’s going to help make a coward brave (just like her).

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“Y’ken take mah heart! But ye ken nevah take mah freedom!”

Fun fact! When Lancelot is thrown into the dungeons, Merida is in the cell across from him. She tells him that any enemy of Arthur’s is a friend of hers. Hopefully soon we learn how Merida went from setting out to free her brothers to imprisoned in Camelot. Sorry there’s not more I can tell you about Merida this week; she was onscreen for about 60 seconds.

“And for 25 of them, I just looked smoldery and intense!”

1. Hook was unwavering in his devotion to Emma in Camelot

I chose this as my number one event in the episode, and you should know it’s not just because I’m a CaptainSwan shipper. This episode highlights just how bad it must have gotten for Hook to have told Emma he loved-past-tense-with-a-d her in episode 3.

Last week we saw Hook turn Emma’s offer of a relationship down despite the potential of great personal peril and wrath. This week we look back in time and see him come to Emma’s aid, thinking nothing of a magic bolt being shot at him by her (by accident), keep her secret of her visions of Rumple tormenting her, and hide her away with Henry’s help so that no one in Camelot realizes she’s going Dark.

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“If you could just stop shooting angry magic at me, maybe we can Netflix and chill?”
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“Just Netflix?”

Moreover, he basically tells her to GTFO her visions and trust that he can free her mind and heart by going hot-pirate horseback riding. I’m not even close to exaggerating that one.

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Emma: I like to try new things as much as the next girl, but that looks uncomfortable. Hook: … It’s for the horse.

He tells Emma he really believes that they can get back to normal in Storybrooke one day, if only she’d trust him.

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For a tough, cool, 200 year old pirate, he’s such a DORK for Emma.

Through all of Emma’s downward spirals in this episode, Hook looks unblinkingly into the abyss and roguishly grins as the abyss stares back. This to me solidifies Hook more and more as a hero deserving of a happy ending. It also makes Hook’s decision to fight the Dark One in episode 3 (when he asks Robin Hood for help discovering what’s in the basement of Emma’s house) all the more personal and serious. Who better to fight the Dark One than a man who has spend over 200 years hunting, calculating, and surviving the same? And spurned on by his love for the woman the Darkness inhabits? Well, let’s just say this came to mind.

Also, they might have consummated their relationship in a field of pink roses. Not sure. It may or may not be implied. ….Ok, it’s kind of implied.

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Did you like Arthur’s back story? What do you think about his use of the sand? To what end will Arthur use Charming and Snow? What do you think Emma has in store for Rumple and Merida? Let us know in the comments!

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Surviving the Summer Break for ‘Once Upon a Time’ Fans – 4 Things You Might Have Missed About Season 5

Property of ABC

Oncers are counting down the days ’til we’re finally reunited with our friends in Storybrooke and the Enchanted Forest! But in the meantime, here are four things we can look forward to this season with absolute certainty…though some details may be open to creative interpretation as the season goes on!

4. The 100th episode is coming up and it’s gonna be CRAZY MAGIC

The 100th episode was teased at San Diego Comic-Con and at D23, but not much is known about it. There’s talk of it being a musical episode, and several cast members brightened up when the idea was mentioned.

Adam Horowitz, series co-creator, alluded to it very vaguely:

 We want to make it very special, and we want the 100th episode to be our spring premiere. We’re hard at work trying to not to tell you anything.

What’s a Disney movie or show without some music? We’ve had so little of it these past four seasons that it seems like it’s time for a number or two already! Ursula’s singing and Snow White’s whistling are nice little nods, but I’m looking for a full-on community sing!

Property of ABC
“A ha’penny? C’mon, guys, I’m literally singing for my supper!”


Property of ABC
“This is the last time I answer a Craigslist ad for housekeeping.”

3. Emma isn’t going to fight the Darkness as much as she’d like to think she is

Jennifer Morrison, who plays the main hero and Savior Emma Swan, tells fans:

Emma went through a lot in her life. She had a tough childhood. She’s had to overcome a lot of things. She’s tried to be the bigger person. Now that she’s going to face the darkness, she’s free of that… She’s going to face the darkness in herself and figure out how to overcome it.

GOOD, I say! I don’t like static characters. Not that Emma hasn’t grown a lot since we first met her (and since her days in foster care), but we’ve never really seen her let go before. Sure, she’s thrown some punches, extracted her revenge via Regina’s apple tree, and shot Cruella in the chest when the villainess kidnapped Henr, but we’ve never seen Emma’s powers go truly dark before. Emma is a good person, and she’s a hero, but that doesn’t mean she’s perfect. I want to see her push the limits and explore the side that she didn’t really know she had. I want to see who she becomes after she finally gets to know all herself.

Property of ABC
Remember kids, apples are a gateway drug to Evil!

2. Merida isn’t going to be a solo act

Horowitz made sure to entice fans with this teaser:

 We’ve always wondered what would happen if Belle and Merida went on an adventure together. We hope you do, too, because it’s coming!

I would love to have heard that Merida and Mulan were going to partner up, but Merida and Belle sound just as amazing! Belle’s life is going to change so much this season. Rumple may or may not have magic, so he’s going to need to recover and readjust to no longer being the Dark One. And Belle may or may not stay with him romantically. Belle’s sense of adventure will most likely be sparked by this new, non-flouncy princess who would rather have a ball than dance at one. I’d really like to see Belle re-energized. She’s one of my favorite characters in both Disney and OUaT, and I think she deserves more credit and opportunities to shine without Rumple around.

Property of ABC
“Hey, wait a minute, this master script says Belle is supposed to have her own house, her own bank account, and her own car by season 3! CARLYLE! GET OVER HERE!!”

1. Merida will not be Zelena and Robin’s daughter

I can’t even begin to express my joy over this news. Honestly, it was my least favorite fan theory ever. Horowitz gives it to us in no uncertain terms.

It’s just a fun theory, but the reality is we are sticking to the canon of the movie Brave in terms of who her parents are and where she came from, but post-movie is where our Once Upon a Time spin comes into play.

Which sea goddess do I bow before? Which Fairy do I bring gifts to? Is there a Rock Troll that needs more moss? I cannot begin to express my gratitude. Zelena is the embodiment of insecurity and selfishness. Merida is, in a word, BRAVE. And I refuse to believe that Zelena could ever be worthy of a daughter like Merida.

Property of ABC
“Spoiler alert, I’m actually Merida. Watch out for bears, or something.”

How have you been coping with the countdown? Send us a comment below to tell us what you think of the news!

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Surviving the Summer Break for ‘Once Upon a Time’ Fans – Eating Our Feelings Looking at Past Roles

We’re getting closer to the Season 5 premiere of Once Upon a Time but we’re still a month and a half away! I feel like we’ve been looking forward for most of our summer journey together as Oncers, desperate for tastes here and there of things to come. This week we’re going to go back in time with the help of the Internet Movie Database to see what some of our beloved stars were doing before they wound up in the Enchanted Forest. Let it be known! Thar be SPOILERS ahead!

Ginnifer Goodwin – Snow White

Most Snow White role: Margene Heffman, third sister-wife and entrepreneur on HBO’s polygamous drama Big Love from 2006-2011.
I’m not saying Snow White was practicing polyandry when she lived with the Dwarves, but Margene and Snow do have a lot in common. They are bright, spirited, loving mother-types to many, and both have a closet full of skeletons no one saw coming.

Least Snow White role: Maya in Comedy Central’s first original movie Porn ‘n Chicken in 2002. I couldn’t find a clip of her as Maya, so I’m just basing my assumption off the fact that what I did find searching for “Porn ‘n Chicken” didn’t really say “motherly fairy tale princess” to me. And, while we can’t stop you from doing it, we don’t want to tell our readers to Google “porn and chicken,” so here’s a clip of Goodwin on Seth Myers talking about how her son is Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones.

Videogame roll: Roll from Mega Man. Though not a robot that we know of, she’s sweet, protective, and clever. She’s also good with a broom!


Jennifer Morrison – Emma Swan

Most motherly role: As Winona Kirk, in 2009’s Star Trek, Morrison gave birth to yet another little boy who was destined for more than his humble beginnings, who grew up without a proper father, and who went on to strange new lands to defeat creepy villains.

Least motherly role: Zoey Pierson from How I Met Your Mother.

Not only does she not become Ted’s future wife or mother to his children, but she’s likened to Cinderella’s evil step-mother when it’s revealed that her step-daughter hates her.

Bakery roll: Cinnamon roll. The Charming family quirk of liking cinnamon on their hot chocolate is endearing, and Emma has proven she’s very layered. It’s worth getting past her hard outer layers to reach her soft and warm heart.


Lana Parrilla – Regina

Most regal role: Trina Decker from CBS’s Swingtown.

Though an airline stewardess, Trina lived a very affluent life with lots of time for extracurricular activities.

Least regal role:  Janet Grafton from several 2004 episodes of NYPD Blue.  Nothing says blue collar like patrolling a beat in your home burrough. Throw in a failed marriage and this show has Parrilla in her realist role.

Sushi roll: The “Sexy Roll.” Good or evil, fancy or down to earth, Parrilla is always alluring. And it’s not just her physical assets that make her so. Parrilla’s acting chops have only gotten more honed, making her versatile and in regal command of her stage.


Josh Dallas – Prince Charming

Most mighty and heroic role: Fandral, Thor’s friend and brother in arms from 2011’s Thor is one-third of the Warriors Three and is as princely and charming as Dallas’s OUaT counterpart. Sadly many of Dallas’s scenes in Thor were deleted and he was unable to reprise his role in Thor: The Dark World because of scheduling conflicts filming OUaT.

Least mighty or heroic role: Node #2 in a 2008 episode of Doctor Who called “The Silence in the Library.”

Dallas played the face of Mark Chambers, a man who donated his face to the library to be a pleasing visual representation most likely to appear pleasing to the user, in this case Donna Noble. Skip to about the 10 minute mark to facetime with Dallas.

Lunch roll: The hero roll. From lunchtime staple to party platter necessity, the hero roll is loved by all. Bonus, sometimes the nicer ones come with a little decorative sword!


Robert Carlyle – Rumpelstiltskin

Highest grossing role: Portraying Gaz in 1997’s The Full Monty, this was Carlyle’s, and the UK’s, highest grossing film to date, raking in $45,950,122 after a budget of only $3,500,000. Please enjoy this clip of Rumpelstiltskin embarrassing Baelfire.

Lowest grossing role: Funny enough, Carlyle also starred in a film titled Once Upon a Time in the Midlands about a petty thief who tries to get his babymama back after a decade. It had a budget of $3,041,025 but only made about $172,564. That’s right, you did the math in your head correctly. That’s about 5%. This may or may not have been a student film, I’m not sure.  See if you can sit through the trailer longer than I could.

Totally not gross roll: Scottish sausage roll. I really don’t feel I should have to explain this one. Have you had one of these? Make them and eat them with no apologies to your heart, waistline, or doctor.


Colin O’Donoghue – Killian Jones

Best dressed role: Duke Philip of Bavaria from 2009’s The Tudors is arguably the most opulently dressed character O’Donoghue’s played. It’s a far cry from his pirate garb, which, while practical, is undeniably the uniform of a rogue and scoundrel. Watch his doomed romance with Mary Tudor, as played by OUaT’s Sarah Bolger, here.

Least dressed role: Lead gent in Christina Perri’s music video for The Words, O’Donoghue doesn’t just appear shirtless, but also takes a pensive bath before bed.

It’s crucial to the plot, I tell you! Fun fact, Perri dedicated The Words to Hook and Emma’s romance, making her the ultimate fanvid creator.

Protip Roll: Rolling your shirts to fit more of them in your luggage.

“Not that Colin O’Donoghue needs more shirts.”

the majority of the fangirl community

Giancarlo Esposito – Sidney Glass

Giancarlo has the distinguished honor of having what I think is undeniably the most international Wikipedia introduction ever:

Giancarlo Giuseppe Alessandro Esposito (born April 26, 1958) is a Danish-born American actor, director, and producer of African-Italian descent.

Most notable role: Gus Fring, Walter White’s boss and haunted sociopath from Breaking Bad, 2009-2011. Here he is imparting his wisdom, “a man provides.”

Surprising role: Mickey, the camp counselor at Camp Echo Rock in Season 14 of Sesame Street.

Check out his scenes here, and especially enjoy the one where Big Bird thinks he’s getting mugged by the future meth kingpin of the Southwest.

Edible roll: A chocolate Danish. I won’t lie; I made myself laugh at that one.
All this talk about sushi and danish have left me hungry, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch Season 4 again and eat my feelings.

What are some former roles from OUaT stars that you think are interesting? Tell us in the comments below!


Streiber, Art. BIG LOVE Season 2: Ginnifer Goodwin. Digital image. N.p., 15 Aug. 2007. Web. 2 August 2015.
CBS. How I Met Your Mother. Digital image. N.p. Web. 2 August 2015.

CBS. Swingtown. Digital image. N.p. Web. 2 August 2015.
BBC. Doctor Who: Josh Dallas. Digital image. N.p. Web. 2 August 2015.
Fox Searchlight. Robert Carlyle OBE. Digital image. N.p. Web. 2 August 2015.
Perri, Christina. “The Words.” Head or Heart. Atlantic Records, 2014. Music Video.
PBS. GiancarloEspositoBigBirdRusty. Digital image. N.p. 4 September, 2014. Web. 2 August 2015. 
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Surviving the Summer Break for ‘Once Upon a Time’ Fans –7 Songs for 7 Ships


I really can’t explain my psychosis using only human words. My level of obsession and emotional dependency on my fandoms is off the charts most days, and it works its way into every little corner of my life. I make fandom-themed meals. I casual cosplay daily. I’ve made major life decisions because I’m confident that so-and-so fictional-character-I-admire would approve. And for as long as I can remember I’ve been able to compile a soundtrack in my head to accompany whatever fictional ship, or relationship, I’m currently jonesing on.

It has become a kind of therapy during this long summer as we await the September 27 return of Once Upon a Time for me to find meaning in everything. So as I drive my tiny tornado of a toddler back and forth to play group and the grocery store, my mind is blissfully allowed to wander along with the DJ’s playlist. What I’ve set before you today is but a tiny taste, an amusebouche if you will, of the audio buffet I’ve laid out in my brain. I pick at it every few minutes, and thus my fandom belly grows ever fat-full. But #YOLO, amirite? Besides, imaginary bikini season isn’t for another year.

I hope this small repast leaves you sated until next week and tides you over as we get closer to the fall premiere.  Make sure you let us know in the comments what songs make you think of your favorite characters and ships!

Song: Cheerleader – OMI
Ship: Outlaw Queen – Robin Hood/Regina
Lyrics that make it perfect:

When I need motivation
My one solution is my queen
‘Cause she stays strong


Right out of the gate we get a reference to a strong queen. Yeah, it seems pretty obvious, but I’m more interested in the “motivation” and “solution” part. To me that implies Robin gets lots of support from Regina, and together they’ll find an answer to their problems. We saw evidence of their united front against Zelena at the end of Season 4, and previously we saw that Regina encouraged Robin to do the right thing and stick with Marian before all the cray cray started. And Regina’s not just strong: she STAYS strong.

This is also a great, positive song that makes me less stressed out about all the soap opera drama they’ve had to endure lately. And while it’s a given that Robin is part of Regina’s happy ending….

Regina is also part of Robin’s. And him recognizing that is key to their success.

Treat yo’ self with the original, unremixed version here.


Song: What Kind of Man – Florence + the Machine
Ship: Rumbelle – Rumple and Belle
Lyrics that make it perfect: *pfft* How about literally every word in this song? Like, literally every single word. I haven’t explicated a poem since I was in high school, but I’d be very happy to do so for this song right now. Ok, fine, I’ll narrow it down to three parts.

You were on the other side
Like always, you could never make your mind

Rumple has always set himself apart by virtue of being the Dark One. He tries to play house with Belle, tries to have this human life, but he ALWAYS chooses the darkness.

And with one kiss
You inspired a fire of devotion
That lasted for twenty years

Okay, so maybe it was 28 years, but whatever, you get the point. You have to admit, “devotion” is definitely a word that one could use to describe Belle’s love for Rumple.

What kind of man loves like this?
What kind of man?

What is Rumple? Is he a man? Is he the Dark One? What kind of man beats someone with their cane in a dark alley for the amusement of his hope-to-be girlfriend?

What kind of man flays a robber alive in his dungeon? What kind of man lies and controls the woman he says he loves and makes her an accomplice to his schemes? Maybe he isn’t really a man anymore after all.

Listen to the Saturday Night Live version here!


Song: The Perfect Storm – Brad Paisley
Ship: Captain Swan – Hook/Emma
Lyrics that make it perfect:

She’s so complicated that’s the way God made her
Sunshine mixed with a little hurricane

In my opinion this is another song where every line is simply dead on for this pairing. But I think these two lines sum it up nicely. Killian recognizes that Emma is not the definition of “perfect.” But she is the definition of “perfect for him.” He accepts what a whirlwind she is, and he sees the very best in her.

I never meant to fall like this
But she don’t just rain, she pours
That girl right there’s the perfect storm


Killian was taken with Emma from the day he met her. He’s wrapped up in her and all that she is. He loves her passion, her courage, her toughness. But he loves her kindness, her gentleness, and her weaknesses just as much. This is going to be especially important in season 5 when Emma’s dark side comes out to play!

Check out this fan video that CaptainSwanHook made just for me!


Song: Honey, I’m Good – Andy Grammar
Pairing: Every guy who’s with someone, with a little bit of Ruby thrown in
Lyrics that make it perfect:

It’s been a long night here, and a long night there
And these long long legs are damn near everywhere


After a long day of fighting Wraiths and Flying Monkeys, the gents settle down at the diner bar for some shots and beers, served up by Ruby. Ok, this one is more of a somewhat non-canon gigglefest. It’s no secret that Ruby, whether intentional or not, catches the eye of many a man in Storybrooke. I feel that every man in town who is true to his woman has probably looked at Ruby at least once, sighed heavily, and squared his jaw in courageous determination and said to himself “nah.”


I have a running fanvid in my head of David, Killian, Robin, and even Grumpy (yeah, yeah, I know) having tempting interactions with Ruby and firmly resolving to return to their true loves. Hey, no Ruby shaming there. In the immortal words of Little Richard, the girl can’t help it.

Here’s the original video. Every time I watch it, someone starts cutting onions around me.


Song: Someone Like You – Adele (with a few pronoun changes)
Pairing: WarriorPrincess SleepingWarrior – Mulan/Aurora (C’mon, wouldn’t have Warrior Princess been WAY better? Why am I not in charge of naming ships? *hits Colin O’Donoghue over the head with champagne* MINE!!)
Lyrics that make it perfect:

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it.
I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded
That for me it isn’t over.


Nope. Nope. Nope. Goodnight, party’s over. *clutches heart*

Also this part:

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

Mulan’s love for Aurora was forged in the fires of battle. You don’t melt a love like that down easily. Here. I dare you to listen to this song and look at this picture and not cry.



Song: Blank Space – Taylor Swift
Pairing: AuthElla – Cruella/Isaac
Lyrics that make it perfect:

Nice to meet you, where you been?
I could show you incredible things
Magic, madness, heaven, sin

But also:

Got a long list of ex-lovers
They’ll tell you I’m insane

But mostly:

Cause, darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream


This song is all about writing a story to fit ones wants and desires, and Isaac the Author was famous for that! Couple that with a genuinely psychotic, sadistic Cruella, and you’ve got yourself the kind of doomed-to-fail romance that is a Taylor Swift break up song.

The similarities between Tay Tay and Cru Cru in this music video are actually a little creepy, to be honest.


Song: Am I Wrong – Nico & Vinz
Pairing: Grumpy and Nova
Lyrics that make it perfect:

Am I wrong for thinking out the box from where I stay?
Am I wrong for saying that I choose another way?


And very much this:

Walk to walk and don’t look back, always do what you decide
Don’t let them control your life, that’s just how I feel


This song is all about saying “I don’t have to be what you tell me to be.” For better or worse, that’s a sentiment most of us can relate to, and one that Grumpy made his anthem for a while until the Blue Fairy pretty much hit his nose with a rolled up newspaper.

Does anyone have a fly swatter?

Check out the video in all it’s awesomeness here.

What songs make you think of your favorite OUaT characters or ships? Do you think you can do better than the songs I picked this week? Let us know in the comments!

ABC. “Images,” July 27, 2015. Television.

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Surviving the Summer Break for ‘Once Upon a Time’ Fans – 5 Fan Theories About Season 5

We’re still riding the wave of new Once Upon a Time season 5 info that came out of San Diego Comic-Con last week, and message boards and blogs are still abuzz with speculation and rumors.

So instead of enjoying a new, shiny, much anticipated episode of Once Upon a Time (which is a long 69 days away as of today’s publishing), we’ve complied some interesting (and likely accurate) fan theories from around the internet, which we’ve presented in no particular order except perhaps based on our own amusement. Be sure to add your own thoughts on these and other theories you support down in the comments!

5. Rumpelstiltskin is Prince Adam

There are several versions of this theory, but all of them pretty much agree that Mr. Gold’s first name in Storybrooke will eventually be revealed to be Adam, more specifically Prince Adam, the human version of Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Fans believe that the red-headed Seer (who Rumple was seen guarding during the Ogre Wars early on in the series) is the equivalent of the old woman from Beauty and the Beast who came to Prince Adam’s castle peddling flowers and prophecy, eventually cursing him. Fans further believe that Rumple’s own blackened heart is a representation of the enchanted rose whose falling petals bring Prince Adam/Beast closer to his demise.

“I need to have Belle clean out from behind the refrigerator more often.”

Why this works: This is totally plausible because Rumple is obviously the Beast from the titular Beauty and the Beast, and all the other little details support that: there’s a giant castle full of enchanted items, the trade of Maurice’s life (and those in his kingdom) for Belle’s companionship, the defeat of Gaston, and of course this moment:

Belle, that chip is like a whole inch wide.

While Rumpelstiltskin and Prince Adam are traditionally two totally different people, there’s really no reason why they couldn’t be the same one. Rumple is about two hundred years old – that’s more than enough time for him to fit in two lives.

“I’m over 200 years old, but I still got moves.”

What this means for Season 5: Mr. Gold having a first name that sounds both strong and kind would represent his transformation from beast into prince. His heart, which much like the rose that lost its petals, is now restored. And while the Beast may not forget his monstrous past, it would be clear that these changes would put him on a new path. Restoring Gold’s humanity may very well be the thing that’s needed to solidify his role in helping to save Emma from the Darkness.

4. Killian is actually King Arthur’s son

Why it works: Hook is as old as Rumpelstiltskin, so his timeline stretches far back enough to include something as old as Arthurian legend. Plus, Killian knows his way around a royal ball, including the parts you can’t fake, like waltzing.

“So, pfft, this DJ, amirite?”

He’s also an excellent swordsman, and what better teacher than the man who defended Britain from the invasion of the Saxons?

When Killian was a lieutenant in the royal navy, he and his brother spoke of an enemy their King wished to defeat, which is possibly the aforementioned invading Saxons. They’d also been sent on a mission to find an item in Neverland that was rumored to cure any affliction, which is similiar to the legend of the Holy Grail. Killian’s authority as Captain was accepted unanimously after his brother’s death.

“We set sail for the dark side! They have cookies!”

Could this be because he was the respected son of a king? Becoming a traitor to the King would have solidified his new lifestyle as pirate. Perhaps the story that Hook told Baelfire about his father becoming a fugitive and abandoning him was actually a half truth that was based off of Killian’s father betraying him with his lies and desire for a weapon that would destroy their enemies in a dishonorable manner.

What it means for Season 5: Killian would have some obvious ties to Merlin, and they might be more painful and complex than we can imagine. Merlin is said to have influenced Arthur greatly as a child, tutored him, and set him on his path to greatness. This would effectively make Merlin a kind of grandfather to Killian. As we know OUaT father-son-grandfather relationships don’t usually come with the warm fuzzy glow of a Norman Rockwell painting.

And this was it ending quietly.

Moreover it would make his quest to protect Emma’s heart even more personal if the man he had to find was the man who raised his own father. Hook has lived as a pirate for so long, but that doesn’t mean he’s forgotten about his former life before Neverland. If all those emotions get dredged up, it has the potential to solidify him as a hero, or tempt him back to the ways of a villain (Dark Emma may be very attractive to Killian).

You’re evil… I’m evil… Let’s date!

3. Merida and Mulan were an item, or at least very close

Why it works: Merida. Bows and arrows. Robin Hood. Merry Men. Mulan. Boom, cannon. But to put a finer point on it, Mulan left Aurora heartbroken and she joined up with Robin.

That awkward moment when your tears are as swift as a coursing river.

It’s reasonable to believe that in the time between their leaving Rumple’s castle when Neal followed the Shadow to Neverland and Robin meeting up with the Storybrooke refugees later in the season after Pan’s curse that the Merry Men and Merida crossed paths. Merida is a strong woman who defied her parent’s and society’s limitations and expectations of her, finding the courage inside of her to make a change for the better, and in turn helped save her people from a terrifying enemy. I’m pretty sure she and Mulan would at the very least have something to talk about around the campfire.

Mischievous, doesn’t listen, prone to trusting witches, and magic nearly killed her whole family. Yeah, she’ll fit right in.

What it means for Season 5: Regardless of whether or not we see Merida in Storybrooke, having her appear in an Enchanted Forest backstory episode about what happened to Mulan after she left Aurora to take Robin up on his offer would be spectacular. And if Mulan and Merida have romantic leanings, perhaps it would give Mulan hope that there are more princesses in the sea than just the lovely-but-attached Aurora.

2. The Blue Fairy will stop masquerading as Lawful Neutral and show her true colors as Lawful Evil now that the Savior has fulfilled her destiny and gone Dark

Why it works: Reul Ghorm is notorious for maintaining order and discipline and for touting the strict importance of following the traditional rules of fairyhood. But she’s also shown that she can and will choose to lie when it seems that a larger agenda needs to be furthered, as evidenced very early when she lied to Snow and Charming as to how many people the magical wardrobe would be able to hold in order to allow Marco to send Pinocchio along to the Land Without Magic.

Yeah, you’d know all about secrets, wouldn’t you, you sketchy moth…

What it means for Season 5: Magic of the Blue Fairy’s caliber can make things super complicated if it serves to hinder and not help the quest to save Emma from the Darkness. It would serve as a fantastic challenge for Regina and a (we assume) magicless Mr. Gold to defeat Blue in order to advance towards Merlin. #bossfight

You’re on your own, Regina.

1. Merlin is Lily’s father

There is an entire dark corner of the Internet devoted to this kind of fanfic.

Why it works: At the end of Season 4 Lily wanted to stay in town to see if she could find her father. Emma said she’d help, but now we need to find Merlin in order to save Emma. A new character, who happens to also be traditionally of demonic origins, who likes dragons, is coming into the mix right when Lily starts looking for the guy who would have impregnated Maleficent in dragon form? Yeah, that’s pretty solid.


What it means for Season 5: Lily will play a much bigger part in Emma’s life as she and Maleficent help the Charmings, Hook, and Regina find the Sorcerer Merlin. Lily won’t just be driven by her revenge (like she was when she searched to find Malificent), but rather by her love for Emma and the desire to reunite her family. Emma has turned dark, so now it’s Lily’s turn to turn light. Hopefully any involvement on Lily’s part won’t see her sacrificing her life for Emma.

Do you think any of these theories hold water? What are your theories for Season 5? Let us know in the comments!

ABC. “Images,” June 20, 2015. Television.

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‘Once Upon a Time’s Newest Princess Aims True at San Diego Comic Con

I was at Comic Con San Diego for the great 2013 Once Upon a Time panel in Ballroom 20, and it was quite a time to be alive. Once Upon a Time: Wonderland was in the works and we were treated to a 10 minute cut. Good Morning Storybrooke premiered and has since become a Youtube guilty pleasure for many Oncers. And Ariel stole Grumpy’s dinglehopper and our hearts with her brief, but thrilling, sneak peak!

And as much as I squeed, furiously clapped, jumped up and down in my seat, and made grabby hands at the stage and screens, I probably would have passed out if they had played this for me:

On a side note, I love that OUAT’s music can be so magical yet so stressful at the same time. *chills* Not only does Amy Manson walk with the comfortable stride of of her animated counterpart…
…but she also possesses all her sharpness of skill, too!
And even more importantly, our new Merida-in-the-flesh looks ready to take on the whole sorted forest!

Now here’s the thing about Merida: the movie was called Brave, not Free Spirit or Merida the Adventurer, but Brave.

Brave can be quiet. Brave can be small. Brave can be stalwart and steadfast. Brave can be graceful and clever. Brave is something anybody can be, but they have to choose to be it. And if you look at who the heroes are in OUAT, you see that those who earn the title “brave” chose to be bold, chose to put others ahead of themselves, chose to embrace who they really are and the strengths and sacrifices that go along with that acceptance. If there was ever a mascot for Season 5, Merida will be it!

There is speculation as to what other role she’ll play in the upcoming season.

With Emma becoming the Dark Swan and the Apprentice’s dying admonition to find Merlin, it’s quite possible that Merida may have her own hand to lend in the search for history and folklore’s greatest magician of all time. Or perhaps she runs afoul of the new Dark One when Emma makes her way to the Enchanted Forest, as teased in ABC’s other promo video here.

Some of Amy Mason’s more recent geeky roles include Alice Guppy from Torchwood (2008), Daisy from Being Human (2010), and Medea in Atlantis (2014). But devotees will remember her fondly as Jodie Hatfield from 2007’s Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud.

What do you think of our first look at Merida? Do you think Amy Mason is a good choice for our new princess? What do you think Merida’s role will be in Season 5? 

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Surviving the Summer Break for Once Upon a Time Fans – SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS EVERYBODY

C’mon, we all knew it had to come to this eventually. It’s been six weeks since the season 4 finale of Once Upon a Time, and that’s six weeks of wondering things like “Where’s Emma?” and “Is Rumple okay?” and “MERLIN???” Look, I’ve tried to keep my mind and yours busy. I’ve tried crafts and fanfic and cosplay and genealogy. I’ve even tried being a parent and working! *gasp shock horror* But none of that is working.

There’s really only one thing left to do, and that’s to begin drinking profusely until the season 5 premiere on September 27, which is practically October, ABC!

This is not an unfounded plan. For a place full of heroes, there’s plenty of alcohol in Storybrooke. It would seem that after one gets ripped out of the Enchanted Forest and lands in Maine, every man is given a flask and every woman is given a bottle of scotch. It would also appear that there’s a sketchy bar in town, but people still prefer to do shots at Granny’s. Whether breaking bad news or celebrating a good win, there is liquor aplenty in town. And let’s be honest, if you were realm-jumping like it was catching the bus to work, you’d probably need a belt once in a while too.

To be fair, liquor is treated with seriousness just as often as it is tempered with humor in OUaT. For every gin joke at Cruella’s expense, we have an example of the consequences of over imbibing, like Leroy landing in the drunk tank or Will Scarlet and Hook nursing hangovers.

The key is not to drink alone, I think. There’s strength in numbers, and if you surround yourself with good friends, drinking your sorrows away can be therapeutic and cathartic. We’ve all been there, right?

Things start out innocently enough. You and your friends get together for a well deserved night out.

There’s the friend that sticks with one drink all night because he’s the oldest and he wants to make it home alive and mixed drinks might kill him.

That other friend who’s like, “We came together, we leave together!!!”

And when she starts going on like that, all you can think is

I mean, you love her, but c’mon.

There’s the friend who’s trying really hard to avoid their ex but runs into them evvvverrrrywhere…

And when it happens it kinda throws a wet blanket over the whole night.

But it’s always fun to take the mickey out of that friend in the group who ALWAYS gets carded, even though they have a mortgage and two kids. What is that about?

There’s the one friend who barely drinks because they’re taking selfies all night.
You’ve got the friend who gets a little over-the-top on a full moon Saturday night.

And you’ve got to run interference between her and her next drink because

That wouldn’t be so bad, but sometimes you’ve got a friend who SAYS they’re chill, but picks a fight with anyone who brushes against them on a crowded dance floor, and you have to be on point guard all night.


Say you’re sorry. I got white Russian spilled on my silk blouse when I rescued you last time.

You can always tell when the night’s getting on. People start talking with their hands.

Or deciding around midnight they’re gonna skive off work Monday no matter WHAT.

Unavoidably some guy comes up and offers to buy you a drink.
But drinks are $9 and rent is due.

Don’t ask, but DO make sure you watch the bartender make it.

Oh, and watch out for aggressive pick up lines.

Just when you think everything’s settled down, someone’s like, JELL-O SHOTS GUYS!!!!


Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Jell-O shots are no joke.

So instead you order some white wine or a Manhattan to try and class yourself up a bit.

BUT THEN your one friend walks in late to the party like

Usually she’s the friend who says

But it’s not daytime now.

Eventually you drink the rest of your friends under the table and you guys are the last ones still partying.

But then it starts to go downhill. She starts talking about the one that got away…

You gotta take her phone away before she starts calling people she shouldn’t.

And then you end up on opposite sides of the bathroom stall door trying to convince her she’s still “got it.”
And the rest of your friends are out in the bar waiting for you.

But pretty soon the party dissolves and you guys leave holding each other up.

And after a bout of awkward good-night-kiss talk


It’s like FINALLY


It’s all good to go out and have some fun, especially when you’re trying to drown your sorrows over the summer break. Just remember to ease up if the pineapples start hitting on you.

Are you handling the summer break any better than we are?

What’s been your favorite diversion so far?

Do you have any OUaT-themed drink suggestions?

ABC. “Images,” June 22, 2015. Television.
Individual image credits provided in the alt text.

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NerdyBound: Mothers in Nerd Culture

Happy Mother’s Day!!! In honor of Mother’s Day today, I’m dedicating this week’s NerdyBound to the amazing moms we’ve known and loved in nerd culture. In preparation for this NerdyBound I tried to find sites, blog posts, and basically anything having to do with awesome moms in nerd culture. I found a lot of sites/posts dedicated to actual real life nerdy mothers out there, and although they left me with several new DIY projects I want to try out, none of them really led me to what I was looking for. Needless to say mothers are extremely underrepresented in the nerd world, which is kind of crazy (prepare for a huge order of cheese coming your way) because moms truly are the real superheroes of this world, and they deserve to be portrayed as such. Luckily, I read way too much and watch more TV/movies than any person should, and I already had a running list of my favorite moms ever to be written into existence for our entertainment. It was hard condensing that list, and I hated leaving characters out, but for the sake of my sanity and this article becoming too abstract I had to. I hope you enjoy the mothers I chose, and let me know who your favorite mom in nerd culture is. Have fun this Mother’s Day weekend and if you’re lucky enough to have a mom to call, go call her. Don’t just text and tell her how much you love her. Call, and above all, appreciate her.


Morticia Addams She’s a style icon with relationship goals and relates to her kids on a murderous level. Morticia is the full package.

Shop the Look: ASOS Double Strap Maxi Dress $45 Plus Size Option: Torrid Crepe Asymmetrical Dress $55, ModCloth Urban Gala Te Da Heel $70, Spiked Knuckle Duster Clutch Purse $20,  ASOS Rose Double Earrings $9.14, LOVEsick Black Gothic Statement Necklace $15, ASOS Gothic Stone & Rose Ring Pack $18, Antique Bronze Bat Headband $18

Malory Archer Who cares if she abandoned her son and sends him to his death in every episode? A mom that hooks you up with a spy gig and can drink with the best of them is a cool mom, right?

MaloryShop the Look: H&M Sleeveless dress $26 Plus Size Option: Women’s Bi-Stretch Twill Sheath Dress Merona $30, Banana Republic Womens Factory Seersucker Boyfriend Blazer $50 Plus Size Option: Stanzino Stanzino Women’s 3/4 Sleeve Plus Size Single Button $25, New Look Richard White Heeled Pumps $29, Pieces Nigili Pearl Bar Necklace $16, Designsix Pearl Open Cuff Bracelet $27, Gold Plated Sterling Silver Faux Pearl Ring $36, Faux Pearl Duo Studs $7.90, Custom Color Enamel Flower Brooch $4.50

Molly Weasley What can I say about Molly Weasley? She’s my fictional dream mother and went complete BAMF status on Bellatrix Lestrange. Who else can do that and live to tell the tale?!

MollyShop the Look: Bea & Dot Boho Mid-length Long Sleeve A-line Through the Bluebells Dress $80,  Chelsea Crew Menswear Inspired One Pep Ahead Heel $70, Sunset Colors Knit Infinity Scarf $49, Magic Wand Hair Stick $9, A Floating Locket Memory Locket Living Locket $7.99, Fred & George Weasley Holiday Sweaters $5, harry potter trio bracelet $8

Alana from Saga The best thing I can say and the best thing I can ever do for you is demand that you read Saga, like right now. Seriously. Go.

AlanaShop the Look: Nasty Gal Tiana Tank $32 Plus Size Option: Torrid Cutout Bodycon Tank Top $39, Nasty Gal English Nights Cape $54, H&M Wide skirt $38 Plus Size Option: New Look Inspire Maxi Skirt $32, Zipper Buckle Moto Booties $37, Green Dragonfly Wing Earrings $22, ModCloth Chevron the Right Path Belt $15


Mary Margaret/Snow I know there are several mothers on Once Upon a Time but if I did them all this would just turn into a OUaT NerdyBound. OUaT is one of the best shows out there that proudly portrays women with very powerful and complicated characteristics. They’re not afraid to show pregnant women as strong heroines and that speaks volumes. Also, you get to see all of your favorite fairy tales come to life. Who doesn’t want that in a show?

SnowShop the Look: Lemon Drop It Like It’s Hot Dress $140, ModCloth Darling Short Length Long Sleeve Bow My Way Cardigan $40, Cherry Jam Wedge $65, Lena Erziak Clear Lucite Adam Apple Bag $655 Budget Friendly Option: Snow White Apple Handbag, Vintage Inspired Bouquet Brilliance Earrings $18, Fairytale, Scholastic Opening Line Necklace $15, White Lace Peter Pan Collar $11

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